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Sexiness Isn’t A Physical Trait But A By Product Of Confidence

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I would like to believe that I am a sexy person, and by that, I don’t mean that when I walk down the street, every man wants to sleep with me or date me. What I consider to be attractive is who you are, not what you wear or the size of pants you wear. And I have and continue to invest time and energy in my personal growth. It isn’t an overnight process and doesn’t ever really cease. It’s about building self-love and confidence and knowing what you bring to the table. It’s about identifying the casual ways we harm our self-esteem. As part of my self-improvement-and-loving project, I also try to be fair and nice to others, irrespective of the damage chances and cheats may have tried to cause. I give love and I give it all because becoming mean is not my thing.

And that’s why I feel sexy. Of course, I feel a lot sexier when I am out wearing a nice skater dress than when I am at home, in my PJs, delaying taking a shower. But largely, how I perceive myself doesn’t change with external factors. Maybe this is why – and I am still working on it – I don’t let stereotypical beauty standards and Instagram filters make me feel apologetically flawed. I am flawed and so is everyone and I love it!

This is why, when it comes to dating, I don’t go for men who claim to really like you before knowing you. If a guy finds you sexy only when you dress sexy, is he even the one you should be with? Because sexiness isn’t a physical trait. It’s in your confidence, the way you strut down the road with charm, be it in your heels or your sneakers.

Sexiness comes from within

Brands tend to make big bucks out of making us focus on an “outside-in” approach to attractiveness. They will make you think about all the things you are not. Or you’re not tall? Is your waist not 24? Do you have big breasts? Long hair? And the master of all – are you fair? With so many points not being checked off in the list of beauty standards, we tend to see all the non-conforming features as “problems” we need to solve. And of course, the solutions are provided by these brands.

I believe in feeling sexy on the inside – not for a guy, for other women, or society in general. It’s for you to soak in the feeling of being incredibly attractive, one that comes from within. This inside-out sexiness requires one to focus on the positive attributes of their personality.

How do we shut out the condemnatory “jokes”, unsolicited advice, and opinions on our appearance? “Close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of knowing that you possess a certain charisma or quality that is noticeable or enjoyed by others.  Allow yourself to take delight in this.  Allow yourself to feel content about who you are and what you feel good about in yourself. Allow yourself to experience this as a sensation inside of your body. Focus on your strengths instead of comparing yourself to others from a position of weakness,” Rick Miller, LISW, is a clinical social worker writes in Psychology Today.

Happy, Confident Girls Are The Sexiest

I really don’t know the psychological reasons behind this but whenever I am in a bad mood, my pictures don’t come well. But as soon as my mood is fixed, I start looking much better in my pictures. It’s not like I quickly went and did my makeup or changed my clothes. How could I be feeling not-so-sexy one moment and sexy in another? Not just feeling, but looking too!

This is why I vehemently vouch that happiness makes you attractive. You are glowing and that kind of high energy is infectious. “The ultimate secret behind ‘sexy’ is being happy enough with yourself that don’t seek the approval – or sexual attraction – of anyone,” explains Dr. Seth Meyers in Psychology Today. He further explains, “It’s the oldest cliché in the book, but one that remains due to its truthfulness: Some of the world’s most beautiful people are some of the world’s most insecure. Though these individuals may, at first, bear all the signs of sexiness, getting to know them can quickly diminish the sexual intensity you had for them.” Such a kind of happiness rides along with self-confidence and self-love.

ALSO READ: Here’s How Dating Changes In Your Late 20s

You have to practice feeling sexy from within

Feeling sexy isn’t about having the perfect abs. It’s walking down with confidence, not worrying about whether your derriere looks too big or too small. We want to be okay with the acne returning to our faces, and not feel like it makes us un-sexy. We want our scars to feel ours, not a feature that needs to be hidden or feel ashamed of.

We want to feel free with our bodies, in love with our cuts and curves, naked and confident. And it requires practice. Of course, there will be days where we will feel unable to shake that idiot’s comment off. There will be self-loathing, when you feel so immensely unattractive and un-sexy. Shake those days off and practice self-love.

You don’t need validation from torchbearers of stereotypical definitions of beauty. What makes you attractive is within you. Not giving two hoots about this is attractive. Embracing your flaws is sexy AF.

ALSO READ:5 Signs You Have Forgotten What It’s Like To Date An Amazing Guy


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