5 Signs You Have Forgotten What It’s Like To Date An Amazing Guy
It is my general observation that women today are so disoriented by the substandard dating pool that we simply don’t remember what it feels like to be treated right. I mean, a man of substance is so hard to find. You know the kind that won’t make you anxious with unreasonable fears, who won’t indulge in gender politics and will not gaslight you for having standards. We want to date that man but what do we find instead? Mr. Crapbag! So we, while still naïve about modern dating explore different platforms of meeting new men and then realise there is no dearth of guys who will take you for a ride. I’d like to call this disappointing phase in a woman’s life The Fuckboi Effect.
Who are these fuckbois and why do women date them? “The fuckboy seems to seek sex above all else, and despite the level of derision this figure faces in online contexts, he is still seen as an attractive and inevitable misstep in the on- and offline dating lives of young women,” Julie Peters writes in her thesis titled, “Welcome to the generation of the fuckbois” for the Tilborg University. I found this definition painfully apt. But most importantly, fuckbois have fucked up dating to such an extent that people are publishing thesis on this now. Do you see how fatal is The Fuckboi Effect?
So when we meet too many men who act like they are doing us a favour by being romantically involved with us peasants, we tend to develop a disillusioned notion of relationships. No, honey, that’s not what a healthy romantic connection is like. But after so long of dating assholes, you just forget what it’s like to date an amazing man until you do. And there starts the realisation of how damaging it is to date men who aren’t worth even hooking up with. Here are some signs that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to date a high-value male.
You get surprised when guys you date are nice
When you meet someone who behaves the way a decent human being should be, it surprises you. Honestly, at this point, I am so appreciative of the little things that the other person ends up misunderstanding my gratitude as a formality. No dude, I know it shouldn’t be that way but I really am surprised that a guy has a nonbinary view of humanity and doesn’t play fucked up gender politics in dating. I swear the next time a guy is sure of me, I will be unsure of him being sure of me and wonder what’s wrong. The number of times I have said, “You did this for me?”—and the guy responded with an equivalent amount of astonishment because it’s no big deal for him—is huge!
It’s hard for you to trust a guy
Earlier, you used to perceive men as essentially good unless proven otherwise. Today, it’s the other way around. When you meet a guy who has nothing wrong with him, you wonder what he is hiding. You think to yourself, “This is too good to be true!” At some point, you may pull an equivalent of Kajol’s “Woh meri dukaan hadapna chahta hai.” Aww, honey. No, he isn’t phishing you. You’re just not used to be treated right anymore. This is the treatment you deserve. We all have flaws but not everyone is an asshole.
Your expectations are really low when it comes to dating guys
All you want is a guy who isn’t a serial killer, rapist or domestic abuser; someone who isn’t a misogynist and does basic things like not cheat on you. We act like we’ve found a gem when a guy is a good…listener. Like that’s our criteria? When a person is talking, the other person listens! Wow, this must be so difficult. In fact, we get so excited if a man focuses on our orgasms too like how it should be. He doesn’t act like he doesn’t give a fuck about your existence? Omg, we must add the title of ‘Saint’ to his name.
You want to not need anyone
You’ve grown to become so independent that you almost feel uncomfortable to accept help or assistance. When a guy who genuinely likes you offers to be there for you, it’s almost a reflex for you to say “I can do this on my own!” Somehow, you feel like you don’t want to impose. But the guys you dated earlier didn’t treat you right. And a guy who is amazing will not find being there for you to be an imposition. When the universe is offering you love, take it!
You always have one foot out of the door
At the back of your mind, you are worried that it might not last, like it never has, in the past. You feel maybe he is amazing just in the honeymoon phase. Maybe he will show his true colours and start acting shitty, like the fuckbois you have dated. And so, you keep one foot out of the door, ready to walk out first. We all know the one who walks out first hurts less. So before he shatters you or so you think he will, you want to be out. But unless you jump right in, you won’t be able to build a relationship. You might miss out on a guy who is amazing and isn’t pretending to be so. People who are afraid of relationships haven’t been in the right kind. Hang in there and try to remind yourself what it’s like to be loved right and to date an amazing guy.