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A Letter To The Money I Wasted On My Gym Membership I Didn’t Use: A Tale Of Love, Loss And Regret

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Dear Money-I-wasted-on-my gym- membership,

I know at this point you think I am a narcissist bitch who doesn’t love you at all. I know you feel I don’t understand your value and at this point, you want to tell me that I should have loved you before I lost you. But my little bundle of joy, I loved you with all my heart. I am sorry I didn’t know then what I know now.

Recently, Sara Ali Khan spoke about her first experience at the gym. “I remember saying ‘you know what I am going to do it’ and I went to the gym and did 3 crunches with a weighted ball in my hand and I couldn’t do more because I was heavy and I was not fit. I left the gym and came home and said that ‘you know what, I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe I can’t’,” she said. She further added, “I woke up the next day and went back to the gym and did 4 crunches and then I did 5 and then I did 6 and I really don’t need to boast but I am down for a crunch challenge right now. I did a lot of abs this morning.”

Why can’t I be like Sara Ali Khan who went to the gym, couldn’t achieve much and hated it but kept going? She’s so fit and strong now! But she has her own money and you are stuck with me so I guess we both will just have to work together.

There have been days when I really wanted to stay home and get some sleep. But I wanted you so bad, so I worked hard to get you. And I wanted to invest you wisely except, I didn’t know that signing up for a year-long gym membership wasn’t the smartest move. I mean, for other dedicated people it is. But for someone who counts procrastination as a special skill, it’s really not. In fact, if I ever write a book someday, it will be called ‘100 Excuses to ditch the gym’ But I will procrastinate that too, so I guess it will never really get published.

But you’ve known me since a while now and you can tell that I am also very gullible. I wanted to sign up for just three months but the trainer gave me such a good offer for the year. And he even added free crossfit sessions and spa to it. How could I say no to that?

I was excited; I bought new tights, t-shirts, sports bra and my first Nike shoes. I know, I spent more of you! Just for this. I thought, this will make me want to go to the gym and spend some time among sweaty people flexing their muscles. But now I wear those pink Nike shoes to work. I do use the active wear too for my belly dance class, if that’s any consolation, my sweetheart.

But I did try to go to the gym. It was terrible. I didn’t know what to do with the machines and those made me feel like I am working at the bottom of the Titanic with the other ship engineers. Of course, this ship sank too, at least for me. The trainers didn’t bother to help me so much (maybe they could see I won’t last) and I swear I have never had to chase a man so much before. So I stuck to cardio because that bit I know.

Now imagine watching paint dry while getting a bikini wax done. Yup, time seemed to have come to a standstill when I worked out. What feels like an hour is really just 10 minutes or my crossfit machine tries to fuck with me. I don’t know.

Honestly, I can’t even find the time…okay, who am I kidding? I spend all my time watching Netflix and then complain about not being productive. But I am an introvert who has to go to work and meet several people. That’s like twice the energy consumption than an extrovert experiences at work. I just need to be with myself and Netflix at the end of the day. I know, you think your cousins spent on Netflix had it better but…oh well, they do. They are living up to their potential.

Real footage of me at the gym

I wish I could stay motivated every day but that temporary spur of motivation happens only when I am unable to fit into my jeans. And then I tell myself that I must start being productive and healthy. I say I will go to the gym and follow a good diet. None of it lasts long though – me working out, eating healthy and my motivation.

But there’s still time for my membership to expire and I will go at least once in a while. Okay, you don’t believe me? Fine, even I kinda don’t. Let’s just be hopeful okay.

ALSO READ: A Letter To My Curly Hair : A Tale Of Love, Hate And Straightening Irons

I know what’s done is done. But know that I loved you and soon, I shall have you again and not let you go back to the gym.

Until we meet again…

Yours apologetically,
Gym not-so-enthusiast

Hauterfly Love Letters is a Hauterfly initiative for the month of February where we will be expressing our love for all things that we love, owe an apology to or simply want to acknowledge. Watch this space for letters we write to everything from our lipstick to our pedicurist and everyone and everything in between.

ALSO READ: My New Year’s Resolution Is To Lose Weight But I Won’t Be Renewing My Gym Membership

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