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Dating

Here’s Why I Find It Hard To Be In A Relationship As An Independent Millennial Woman

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Yesterday, I was speaking with my bestie and sharing how I feel like it’s really hard to find and sustain a relationship. And she told me how some of her other friends have been telling her the same thing. Well, that was kinda reassuring for me because thank God it’s not just me who feels that way. Recently, I have been introspecting a lot and wondering why is it that I am not feeling up to relationships. And I am 27, society tells me I should be treading that path now.

For a moment, I let self-doubt creep in and I judged myself. But then I realised that so many women are experiencing. So what is it? Why is it so hard to actually be in a relationship? At this point, I don’t even know what finding ‘the one’ feels like because each time I feel I may have, he turns out to be the wrong one. Now we’re on the 10th one but no where close to finding, ‘the one.’ We are the first generation in India that’s experiencing dating apps, the first ones to have a plethora of options and a few too many heartbreaks already in our browser history. So, we don’t know how to handle these feelings yet. Unfortunately, none of these new experiences and dating trends came with a guidebook. But you can thank me for my relationship articles – some of them even make sense (there goes my deprecating humour again, ugh.)

The guys I have dated either suffocated me with too much care or gave so little I didn’t even miss its absence. Some wanted to jump into marriage, some afraid of even the slightest form of commitment. Seriously, what is this dating pool that we are forced to pick from? Where are the apples on top of the tree? If you feel as a millennial woman, finding love is difficult, then let me welcome you to the club. Out of introspection sessions, I figured 5 reasons why it’s become as difficult it is today. Here you go!

 

Most Indian men don’t know how to handle a strong woman

Women aren’t timid and unassuming anymore. Thanks to our moms and the various opportunities we’ve had, we are strong and independent. We don’t need a man to pay for our dinners; we don’t feel shy and pretend to not have sexual desires. Neither do we entertain a man with chauvinistic thoughts. But here’s the thing. Most men in our country still haven’t evolved and in ways big or small, end up not knowing how to handle a woman who does not need to be rescued.

Most Indian men are insecure

I have had a couple of ridiculously jealous boyfriends. And I feel that while women are known to be more possessive, I feel it’s the men who are really insecure. They feel so insecure about their place in your life that it just gets too tedious to keep dealing with that. But that’s not it – a lot of men get insecure with a woman who is independent and has her own life and career. Wow, that must make these men really attractive.

My self-love doesn’t allow me to take shit

I don’t have time for mind games, ego hassles or being given subpar treatment. And why should we? Isn’t it better to be single than being with someone who doesn’t treat you right? *takes a big sip of my drink*

I want passionate love, but where is it?

When I was back in high school, love used to be passionate and intense. You know the kind that gives you butterflies and makes you want to cross oceans for bae. But I don’t know when it stopped being like that and now relationships are merely for convenience.

ALSO READ: 10 Signs He Won’t Really Commit To A Relationship With You

Ghosting, situationships and FwBs later, all of us are just a bunch of love phobes

It’s tiring to calculate your moves and pretend to not care, just so that you don’t appear easy. Playing hard to get is shit and even after all that, you’re just stuck in “maybes” and “I am not ready for a relationship”. At this point, almost each one of us has been ghosted or kept on the bench and it’s hurtful. So we are a generation that cares but has walls erected so we don’t even try. And that’s not just the men we see but at this point also us. Where is this gonna take us though?

ALSO READ: 5 Ways To Deal With Not Feeling Loved Enough By Your Boyfriend

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