5 Subtly Passive-Aggressive Things Women Do When We Are Upset With Bae
People have different ways of handling things, different ways of feeling things. Some of us are very practical and can still want to indulge in a negotiation while upset. But me? I am a nightmare for the person I am upset with, especially if it’s someone very close – like my best friends or romantic interest. Yes, this is precisely I am the perfect person to write this article about the passive-aggressive things women do when they are upset with a significant other.
I may be showing signs of my cat’s behaviour when she is upset with me. She doesn’t scratch or bite me as many cats do; she will leave the room and refrain from giving me any attention whatsoever. And what happens when I go to give her affection? She either walks away or hisses at me and then I have to trace back my steps and figure out what I could have done to upset her.
So I do know how it feels to be on the receiving end of passive aggression but I think in moderation, it is just one of my quirks that lover boy will have to accept. I accept his quirks too. When I feel upset, firstly, it is very difficult for me to express my feelings verbally. Secondly, when someone behaves like they are not at all responsible for my feelings, I withdraw in my shell and start taking sole responsibility of them. So in my head, I want to fix my problems all by myself. This anger and hurt is something I must get over.
In fact, experts say that women tend to be more non-verbal about their anger because anthropologically, we’ve been told that expressing direct anger is masculine. Women subconsciously try to express their anger through silent treatment or even when we speak up, we can feel our blood boiling and eyes tearing up. This is why women tend to show indirect signs of hurt to guard our femininity. I know it’s crappy and one gender doesn’t have a monopoly over expressing anger but this is thousands of years of social conditioning that nobody realises happened.
Keeping the dark reality aside, I do feel that it is important to have clear communication. Instead of being passive-aggressive, we must talk it out and things get clearer. But we’d rather sulk, wonder who moved our cheese, and act distant until he sees you’re upset (aha he scores a brownie point). He gets more points when he showers affection on you and makes you feel better. I think it’s one thing to say “sorry” and another to make up for it. Sometimes, your heart gets so hurt that you need more than an apology. Your heart needs fixing and as much as you are trying to act all okay, you will give up being passive-aggressive only after he has healed you with love.
Well, I am not proud of this but this is what it is – not each time but it isn’t so rare either. Men, this will really help! Women, I bet you can relate. Here’s what some of us do when we are upset but we don’t want to talk about it.
Here are some of the passive aggressive things women do!
Emojis go missing in our texts
On a regular day, I’ll be sending two kisses, three hugs, and one heart or a handful of laughter emojis on your jokes. But nope, if I am hurt, you lose the emoji-privilege unless you irritate me further and I just send you a thumbs up or an inverted smile. Even if emojis make a comeback, do not expect me to go beyond smileys.
A mysterious quote appears on our social media
We put up a deep yet discreet post that gives it away but not so much. It also talks about self-love and all that. But keep that quote away and sleep. I know it feels good to just put it out there in the universe but like save your effort. Yes, I am being passive aggressive, I know it but that’s me.
We respond like we’re being charged per word
We stop asking questions or carrying forward the conversation with enthusiasm. The drop in our interest is also further made evident by our monosyllabic responses. Like if you ask me if I had dinner, I will say, “yes” when I am angry and possibly the next day while having brekky.
We are ranting about *something* for hours on the phone
It’s not even necessary that we are talking about the person who pissed us. But we just feel like being in the company of those who will make us feel better again, without us having to ask you for love. So yes, we will spend hours talking to our BFFs and when we hang up, we do feel better. Maybe, they will come off the list too.
We seem unusually calm, even when teased
Do you remember the scene in Friends, when Rachel got mad at Ross because he yelled at her? And then she decides to not go for his big event but claims she isn’t upset. She puts a smile on and looks unusually calm studying for her correspondence. And it seems like nothing can stir her up, except she is already stirred and that is just a cover-up!
It would be so much better if men understood that sometimes it’s not easy for us to express ourselves. Sometimes, we want to see if you notice and although we act like we don’t want attention, we do. Also, men, sorry is fine but you got to make us feel loved again. You got to like be affectionate and all that and show us you truly care. Show us what you said or did, isn’t you. And if it is, then maybe this is how it should be. Forever.