5 Ways To Stop Yourself From Saying Really Nasty Things To Bae When Angry
I am not short-tempered but rather hot-tempered, or so I think. My point is that I don’t get angry easily but when I do, you simply can’t win an argument with me. And usually, there are very few things that make me angry but when those things happen repeatedly, I am very enraged. Earlier, I used to just blow my lid off and say the nastiest things to my ex. And though my reasons uwere valid, I felt very bad for being so disrespectful and vengeful towards someone I love. Even though he didn’t cite this as one of the reasons for our breakup, it could have been a contributing factor.
Of course, today I feel I am in a much better place when it comes to being fair when angry. I have learnt to not say things I might regret later or things that can make my partner feel like trash. Unfortunately, most of us tend to make our partners the scapegoat when it comes to our mood swings. We won’t snap at someone who isn’t close. But love shouldn’t come at that cost and he shouldn’t have to fear his life when you’re angry. Soon, he will begin to feel he is dating the female version of Gordon Ramsay and he’s not your apprentice but an equal. So save your relationship from your verbal knives you throw at your bae. He’s your bae after all. Here’s how you can refrain from getting nasty with your words when angry.
Criticise them for what they did and not for who they are
Okay, guys can be very annoying, especially romantic interests and I just don’t know why. But if you find him getting on your last nerve, tell him that you’re annoyed with him because of what he’s doing. It’s okay to say ‘you’re being a dick by ditching me for a football match’. Don’t say things like ‘you’re an asshole’ etc. Just remember he is much more than these stupid things that he does.
Remind yourself that this feeling won’t last but the damage can
Think of all the times you fought and you felt like you really want to hurt him with your words. You said the meanest things calling him names and telling him how much he sucks as a person, maybe even threatening to leave him. But what happens? You’ll make up and then make out and he seems like a cutie again. Let that feeling of anger pass without damaging his heart.
If you can’t communicate calmly, then distance yourself for a bit
It’s not easy to be calm and if you haven’t aced it yet, it’s better to leave the situation. When I know that I am getting worked up, I take space from bae and usually when I resume talking to him, I am ready to discuss things calmly. Or else, I’ll just be typing furiously on my phone like that cat gif.
Don’t bottle your anger but don’t be cruel
Usually, we blow up like a pressure cooker when we’ve been bottling up that anger for a long time. We avoid it, ignore it, and refuse to communicate while it’s still not so bad. And then one fine day, we blow up. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your feelings of anger. You tell him what you’re feeling – angry, hurt, upset, irritated – and why. You can also tell him that you feel like saying mean things to him and that you feel like giving him a dose of his own medicine. But you don’t have to actually go on taking revenge and being cruel. In fact, when we express how we feel in a fight, it usually makes the other person empathise with you better and try not to do things to make you feel that way again.
Practise calming techniques
Whenever I feel worked up — whether or not I am in a position to express my anger — I listen to calming sounds. I usually go for Tibetan music and it really helps me. In that situation itself, you can count backwards from 30. A friend of mine pens down all her feelings and thoughts. When you read your thoughts later you will be able to understand which parts would be hurtful and how to use your words better. You can journal your feelings of anger and see what triggers it and how you react. Over a period of time, you’ll be able to understand what aspects you need to work on. Do anything that makes you feel better – take a deep breath, watch a funny movie, go for a walk.