Here’s Why People Have Sex With An Ex Even Though They May Regret It Later
The chances of sharing a simple dynamic devoid of any complications with your ex are almost as high as you witnessing a mermaid at your doorstep. Okay, a bit higher than that because there are some people who can simplify their connection with their ex. Often, the couple weren’t quite into each other or continued to share mutual respect because they are mature and all that. Such maturity comes from healing and that is rare. And that takes time. So if you’ve just broken up, things will be complicated. What makes it worse? Sex with an ex!
I am not someone who recommends it uniformly but if given a choice, I would keep a buffer window where I can indulge in it, you know as part of my detaching process. It’s just that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, even though it can be tempting and several people do it anyway. And they regret it and then do it again until they decide it’s time to put a full stop to it.
If we know that sex with an ex isn’t quite healthy, why do we do it? Why do we become so weak that we fall back into the sack with the person we swore off? Here’s why.
You weren’t mentally prepared to let go
The thing is, as much as I’d love to have it, I don’t have a switch that instantly turns my feelings off. There is no vapouriser that can make love vanish into thin air, just because one day we decided to break up. So if mentally and emotionally you weren’t ready to let go, chances are that when you meet again, sparks will fly. In fact, you start missing each other and there you are, canoodling and pretending nothing changed. But it did and it’s time to face the music.
The sex has been really great
It’s not every other person that you share great sexual chemistry with. If your sex life has been flaming hot, it’s going to be very difficult to not wanting to throw your wet panties at him. You miss the way he kissed you, the pillow talk, and how almost every time it led to round two. Sex is like a drug and good sex is even more potent!
It’s comfortable and familiar
There’s no denying you have sexual desires and you love your orgasms. If you feel that you are already detached (which may or may not be true!), you may find it comfortable to do it with someone you share a connection with instead of someone new. They know your sex style and your erogenous zones; with him, good sex is easily accessible without the initial effort of knowing someone. So, it’s convenient except it’s not. You may not think about how it will affect you the next day – if it doesn’t, then amazing! But if it does affect you negatively, then it’s better to thoroughly analyse your motivations and feelings for having sex with an ex.
You want to avoid grief
Dr. Ann Gold Buscho, a divorce expert writes in Psychology Today, “Sleeping with your ex distracts you from the pain of the loss of your relationship or marriage. At the same time, sleeping with your ex postpones the closure that you need to be able to recover, adjust, and move on.” It hurts to be broken up but when you have sex with your ex, things feel better until it sucks again and then you have to do it again. It’s escapism and that’s no way to heal. Unless you are clear in your head that this is just during the buffer window and you don’t have feelings of guilt associated with it. If you’re in despair then it’s not advisable though.
You are hoping this is a temporary break
A lot of people continue to have sex with an ex because they believe the breakup is rather temporary. You may be hoping that eventually, things will get back to normal. In fact, you may be hoping that having sex will iron out the creases but it rarely does. Sex can’t resolve relationship issues. It cannot make a person who doesn’t want to be with you, stay with you. It’s important to be realistic about why you are having sex and if you are in a space that you can handle it.
It helps you regain confidence
Breakups often tend to affect one’s self-confidence. And sometimes, people have sex with an ex to regain it. They want to feel desired, wanted, and sexy again. It’s like gaining closure. Once they are through with it, they feel better about themselves and would be ready to join the dating pool again. However, should your self-confidence really be dependent on a guy?
There’s really no moral evaluation of sex with an ex. It’s not about whether it should be done or not. If you think you can handle it and your reasons aren’t as depressing as most of these, go ahead. But be realistic about your expectations and situation to avoid landing yourself in emotional turbulence!