Are You Dating A Mumma’s Boy? Here’s How To Deal With It.
All of us love our parents… but we are also required to grow up and start adulting. We understand that when you’re building a romantic, long-term relationship with someone, it should be free from the effects of your other connections. Yet, sometimes you find yourself feeling like a third wheel in the mother-child bond of your ‘mumma’s boy’ boyfriend/husband. This is more common than you think, especially in India, with mothers being really attached to their sons, and fail at letting go. It’s actually, really mutual. I can imagine how annoying it would be to have his mom’s opinions dictate the flow of your relationship. Or him cancelling your vacation, because his mom told him so. If you really feel that this is affecting your relationship, here’s what you can do about it.
Tell him it’s affecting your relationship
It is possible that you’re looking at his relationship with a biased view and firstly, you should reflect on that. Is it really affecting your relationship? Some things can be overlooked – ask yourself if you could be chill about it? If you feel there are some aspects that absolutely need fixing, talk to him about it. Break it down for him and help him understand that while you have no issues with his mom, you’d like your relationship to be independent of any third parties.
He will first react defensively, so don’t give in
Understand that he has grown up being a certain way. It’s natural to have a defensive reaction to any kind of change. So if he puts up a stubborn act, and becomes upset, understand that he needs this time. Eventually he will come around because he values your relationship as much as you do. Finding a middle ground will be easier then.
Discuss your expectations and give him time to change
Obviously, you cannot and must not ask him to choose between the two bonds. So discuss your expectations from him. Do you expect him to not take sides in case of a tiff between you and his mother? He won’t be a changed person overnight, so give him time.
Show him what independence is but don’t become another mommy
Unless you want to volunteer to spoil the fuck out of him like his mom, don’t take the additional annoying responsibility. As he gets more involved with you, show him what being independent feels like. And appreciate him when he deserves it.
Take a call on your relationship
Reflect on your relationship; see if your improved situation is good enough and if there are prospects of further improvement. Also, like I said, it could be your own bias (don’t get mad at me if it isn’t) If your relationship is seriously suffering, opt out of it, while you still can. Or forever hold your peace.