10 Things You Realise As You Get Better At Handling Relationships
The thing with personal growth is that it feels like being in an extremely non-turbulent flight. You don’t necessarily feel the movement (except a few jolts here and there) but when the gates open, you realise you’ve come a long way. You didn’t realise you were flying but you did and you did well. People hate breakups and many of us refuse to get into relationships again after a difficult one.
I know it hurts but it is building our character. Even a relationship that didn’t work can teach us a lot and maybe if we collect all those lessons, we could be well-prepared for our next one. In fact, we grow in our relationships too, without having to break up.
Really, there’s no way to go through life smoothly without getting better at relationships. These are important and affect our mental health. Are you getting better at handling your connections? Here are 10 things you realise when you do.
It’s better to snap out of minor scuffles
I realised that I learned how to do this after I started doing this. The thing is most scuffles are really pointless and not worth fighting over. When you are secure about your relationship, why do you feel the need to pick battles? It’s okay if they said something or did something to annoy you and vice-versa. It’s really not a defining moment; let it go!
You won’t like each other all the time
Again, I know there have been times when I may have been really irritated with his behaviour or he has been with mine. But in the end, that passes. And even in that anger if anybody says a word against him, you will defend him. He will care for you no matter how much you annoyed him. It’s just how love is. Nobody is likable at all times, you gotta see the bigger picture.
There’s nothing offensive about saying no or being told no
Being a couple doesn’t mean doing everything the other person wants. And “if they love me they will…” attitude is wrong and gets you only disappointments. We are all different people and love doesn’t mean wanting the other person to do things they are not interested in. Yes, a little compromise is important but nobody should feel afraid of saying no. Having said that, if your partner doesn’t want to go on that skiing trip, you do you! Life doesn’t stop at one person.
It’s also important that you don’t try and involve each other in every activity. So you have your time with your girl gang and he can hang out with the boys. It’s healthier, smarter and makes for great things to talk about also. And if he says no to a social plan because he wants to play games at home, that’s okay too. Remember to be your own person.
Calling each other out is important too
I never fell for the guy who kept buttering me and telling me I am right. Call me out when I am wrong and I will do the same. This doesn’t have to apply just to each other. If I trust you and your judgment, you can explain it to me if you feel I was wrong somewhere. It really helps both of us be better people.
It also helps keep objectivity in the relationship. We have to be supportive of each other yes, but it certainly doesn’t mean that you should get away with behaving badly and neither should your partner. Healthy relationships involve being with each other but also telling each other when someone is behaving like a bit of an ass.
Even in love, self-preservation is necessary
We are humans and humans are essentially pathetic. We are the worst of all animals so even if you love each other, it doesn’t mean you can’t hurt each other. You may be taken for granted if you act like a pushover. You may lose your individuality if you only hang out with their friends. Your personal beliefs may be under threat too. Self-preservation is important.
Find time and interests of your own that are separate from your partners’. Sure they can join in some times but you should certainly forge your own path and be possessive of your own space.
Your relationship won’t be constant
It won’t follow a linear path. Your relationship can go in different directions and go through ups and downs. Wear your seat belts and be ready for this ride. It’s important to be flexible enough to accept the changes and many phases of your relationship.
You will grow, you will fall apart, you will come together again. But it’s not a one way street and both of you should know that you may be working on different things but come together at the end of the day.
Honesty can be tricky and it may help to be wise about it
Largely, I would say honesty indeed is the best policy. It is too stressful to keep things from bae and even more maddening to remember what you didn’t tell them. With time, we realise that a relationship that doesn’t have honesty as one of its components is not strong enough. If you can’t be honest, there are things you need to fix. It brings you closer and builds trust. But there may be things that you need not necessarily speak of depending on what would hurt them and fuck things.
And each time you hit a roadblock with this one, try and talk it out. It’s important to know where you stand and what you deem important to tell each other. However, be wise because you don’t want to hurt bae with something they would be better off not knowing.
Communication and trust can solve most problems
I used to read all those quotes about how the problem is that we don’t communicate, we assume. And still continue to do that, out of habit. The thing with the assumption is that we can’t completely eliminate it. But we can reduce it by communicating. After being proved wrong several times, I realised how baseless even our strong assumptions about the other person can be. Thankfully, when you trust them, you take their word for it.
You have to make yourself happy
A relationship isn’t a rehab. Your partner is only responsible to not disturb your peace and happiness. You are responsible for your own happiness, at least most of it. Working on that will lift the burden off your relationship and you will be self-sufficient. Win-win!
This is especially true for a woman in a relationship with a man. Women tend to forget a little bit of themselves when they are with someone and change to make them happy. Remember, he has to like you the way you are.
ALSO READ:Couple-y Rituals Be It Birthdays Or Movie Nights Influence Your Decision To Marry, Says Study
Life isn’t all about love and relationships
Speaking of burden, how many of us see life through our relationships? Some of us feel so sad about being single while some of us obsess over relationship woes. Let’s not make life all about that. There are things to do and not do. This will help you build a life and focus on yourself too.