Your Resentment Towards Your Partner Outside The Bedroom Could Be Killing Your Sexual Desire For Them
My emotions are highly connected to my libido and honestly, something as simple as being given a lot of love and affection can turn me on. Or at least it can make me see them as someone I’d like to sex it up with, passionately. It’s just how the cookie crumbles! So it isn’t surprising that when I am not feeling particularly fond of their behavior, my vagina dries up like the Roses’ funds in Schitt’s Creek.
So many of my friends have spoken to me about it. There’d be a phase when their libido is way below the cut-off mark and I just ask them how it’s been non-sexually with their partners. And then the cat’s out of the bag. Something had been bothering them about their partners and it just makes us look at them with resentment. Let’s just say nothing about a person annoying the fuck out of you is arousing.
My ex was so selfish in bed for so long that if I didn’t know my libido any better, I’d consider myself asexual. Sex is really not a separate section in your relationship that you can protect from getting impacted by the turbulence in it.
Someone on Reddit had the balls to just say it out loud and everyone just unanimously vouched for it to be true. “A lot of men complain about women losing interest in sex in long term relationships. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this discussed, but has anyone else experienced lack of sex drive because of contempt? I think hidden contempt plays much more a role in this than just “hormones” or “familiarity” like is often blamed,” they wrote.
“Sometimes I would start off hot and heavy with a man and then the sexual attraction would almost entirely go away. I’ve realized over time that the lack of sexual attraction was partially the result of buried contempt at the discovery of not so great qualities, that at the time I just thought I had to live with. As was described to me by well meaning relatives, the waning sexual attraction is just what happens once you leave the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship. But as I’ve reflected on this more, I think it was a natural response to their decreased efforts,” they explained. “I know there is no way I can be in a LT relationship with someone that has such a huge let down after the “honeymoon” phase,” they concluded.
People agreed to it with all their heart and added more insights to losing libido. Someone wrote, “1000%! I’ve heard it referred to as “the ick.” It seems to hit women acutely and at the very moment they realize their man actually ain’t shit. I’ve had it happen in several of my relationships and in every case it was because the guy was awful in at least some area of the relationship. I don’t want to fuck a man who acts like a child. For example, leaving the cooking/cleaning/emotional labor entirely to me. Nor can I possibly be expected to remain sexually attracted to one who tries to act like they’re my father: being controlling/refusing to allow me to make my own decisions.”
Another person said something on the same lines. “I really think this is likely to be very common in women in long term heterosexual relationships. I feel like behaving as someone’s mother (giving unconditional love, doing all emotional labour, doing most housework even if both of you work full time, etc.) makes it very, very difficult to find them sexually attractive (as it should!). In any relationship now I will make sure that my partner is giving as much as they are getting so I don’t grow to resent them and become disinterested,” they wrote.
Turns out, men who make you feel like you have to mother them do little to arouse you. It’s exhausting to deal with their childish tantrums and really, that kinda relationship doesn’t ignite our sexual desires.
“My sex drive was dead when I was with my ex. I used to think it was because I was just not a sexual person, but that isn’t the case at all. He was very selfish, both in and outside the bedroom, and he would wonder why I wasn’t eager to jump on his dick,” a user pointed out.
“Are you me? My ex made it seem like I suddenly lost my sex drive and it felt like a chore for me to have sex with him. It was. I was his free bangmaid and forever girlfriend. Now that I’m single my sex drive is back with a vengeance. I should have known though: I didn’t want to have sex with him but I was more than happy with my sex toys? So many things coming to light esp since I’ve found this sub tbh,” another user wrote.
“Have we all dated the same guy? I thought maybe I had a low libido. He would say it was my BC/hormones. Not the fact he treated me HORRIBLY outside the bedroom and still expected me to be instantly turned on the minute he whipped out his dick. I actually joined the Low Libido sub for some support. I realised it wasn’t my libido after all once we broke up,” someone added.
Seems like so many of us have been gaslighted into believing we have low libidos when it’s actually these annoying things they do. “I really think this is likely to be very common in women in long term heterosexual relationships. I feel like behaving as someone’s mother (giving unconditional love, doing all emotional labour, doing most housework even if both of you work full time, etc.) makes it very, very difficult to find them sexually attractive (as it should!),” a user pointed out.
ALSO READ:#Relationships: 5 Habits That Can Hamper Your Sexual Performance
Well, you can’t simply fix your sex life without fixing your relationship. And when things are working for you otherwise and you don’t have hormonal and psychological issues, chances are sex will heat up too.
