Women Get Candid About Why We Fake Orgasms And We Might As Well Stop
Orgasms make for a very hot topic of discussion among women. Not because we like to sex and tell but getting good orgasms isn’t easy and we’d like to learn from each other. Best friends talk sometimes about these things because that’s how we help each other out. For instance, recently in the lockdown, a friend of mine told me how she has not been orgasming with her partner. And I figured it’s probably because she doesn’t know her body that well. Turns out, she never masturbated and I recommended she do. She was able to finally give herself some orgasms and then when she used the same techniques in partnered sex, it helped her! While she didn’t fake orgasms earlier but several women do for several reasons.
Someone on Reddit asked why women fake orgasms and if people thought it was right. Of course, it isn’t right! Faking an orgasm is being dishonest and it’s not a harmless lie. It is you embracing a life of no orgasms because you didn’t speak up. You don’t have to tell your man in an insulting manner. And often, it has to be a combined effort from both you and your partner for you to come.
So why is it that women fake orgasms? It’s not right but our fears, mindsets and other factors can influence us to do things that aren’t exactly healthy. Comments started pouring in and the women of Reddit opened up about why some of us fake orgasms.
“Because some guys take “I didn’t/can’t/won’t come” as a personal insult and won’t leave you alone until you do, insisting “Oh come on I really want to see you come, you’ll love it”. Sometimes I just can’t and it’s no one’s fault. I can still have just as good a time without it. The only time it stops being fun is when you act disappointed and make me feel ashamed that my body just can’t do that right now,” a user wrote. Several women fake orgasms because a lot of men get offended and react badly when you aren’t able to come. And in that, they often make you feel pressurised to do it which kinda further pushes your orgasm away.
Another user wrote how societal norms and gender-bias can make women feel awkward to ask for sexual pleasure. “Because women feel unimpowered to have issues. They blame themselves often for being a bother. This behavior complements the problems they displace onto men; because they cannot ask for sexual happiness due to shame, they blame men for their unhappiness.” She further advised people to encourage their partners to speak about their needs. “Please encourage your female partners to talk about their needs because women need to learn their needs are important too.”
“Getting comfortable with sexual communication is hard esp if you grew up in a conservative area. Do you ask a guy “can you ___?” Or do you state it as a demand “do ___ to me.” What if you don’t know what you want? Plenty of women don’t feel comfortable demanding things in regular settings and much less during sex. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy and sometimes you’re just too tired to do it. Sometimes women genuinely are just happy to please their partner too,” another person pointed out how our social conditioning makes us think twice about being assertive in bed.
Some women do it just out of frustration because even after they have communicated, their partners fail at taking directions well. “You’re forgetting about the men that don’t take any other answer other than a sign that you have cum. They won’t take direction, they get upset when you try to guide them. Sometimes faking is a way to end sex with someone you know you will never see again who you aren’t sure would act kindly to you just stopping sex. Sometimes you don’t find out a guy is that way until you are having sex,” a user wrote.
A lot of women said they do it to just get done with it especially if they are exhausted or if the sex is bad. “I think just to finish the act like oh I’ve orgasmed now that I’m done we can move on and not do this,” a user wrote. “If the sex is bad, they keep hitting the wrong spot, you dry out, or you tire out,” another user added.
Another common reason women do it is because they don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings. “I think mostly they do it because men have been taught it’s the only sign that they are a good lover, and a whole lot of men tend to take it out on women when their self-esteem is affected. So a woman might fake an orgasm to satisfy him, either to protect herself or perhaps because she loves him and cares about his ego. I understand why a woman might do it, but I prefer it not to be faked,” a user wrote.
A woman spoke about how she fakes it because she feels bad for the guy who has been putting a lot of effort in making her come. “There are men who try really hard and do exactly what I ask and I still can’t in that moment. It just adds to the pressure because I know they want me to and they’re trying, and I feel bad I just can’t. Sometimes now matter how good it feels I just can’t. Faking it is a small way for me to alleviate some of the pressure off of me while thanking him for his efforts. I still thank him for the work obviously. But I don’t want a man to think he’s doing poorly because of me,” she wrote.
Some women said they fake orgasms when they are hooking up just for the sexual intimacy and not looking to climax. “I don’t think it’s the right thing to do over an extended period of time/with the same partner or in a serious relationship. But with hookups, I didn’t really care about finishing; I like the experience of sex as a whole. So if I’m making out with a guy the whole time and turned on/liking what he’s doing, I feel like I don’t necessarily need to finish. Like I’m having a good time regardless. But also with hookups, I feel more confident in giving directions or helping myself out a little, since it’s more of a temporary person and/or someone I don’t know well,” a user wrote.
ALSO READ:Women Opened Up About Being With Passionless, Sexually Incompatible Partners. It Messes Up Your Self-Esteem
It’s not always about climaxing and yes, it’s difficult to confront a human being whose self-esteem largely relies on his sex life. But it is important, for you and for your partner. Of course, it is not always the guy’s problem to fix. Your mental state and your knowledge of your own pleasure points are equally important. Orgasms have to be a result of the combined efforts of both the partners unless you want to simply just DIY.