What Is A Bad Orgasm And How It Happens
I can trace my sexual empowerment over the last couple of years as I became increasingly unabashed about my desires and more cognizant of my pleasure points. The only imprimatur my sexual choices need is my own, and I have become more aware of that now. It also means I am super unapologetic about my love for orgasms. Let alone a bad orgasm, I can’t believe I ever entertained boyfriends not caring enough about making my orgasms happen. I can’t believe, I didn’t explore my erogenous zones enough and take it up more persuasively.
In fact, I believe orgasms are not just for gratification but also so good for our overall wellbeing. Have you ever looked at your post-coming face and observed a from-within glow? I get that from DIY ones too. You feel sexy with your stress gone out the window, temporarily at least.
Most of us are very attached to our orgasms, and deeply value there to not like, right? Wrong! According to a study, you can experience ‘bad’ orgasms that leave you with all sorts of negative feelings. I feel both surprised and sorry for women who had to go through orgasms that do exactly the opposite of what they are supposed to do. Is that even possible? Yes, unfortunately.
Can orgasms feel bad or negative?
“Orgasms during consensual sex are often assumed to be wholly positive experiences. This assumption overshadows the possibility that orgasm experiences during consensual sex could be “bad” (i.e., negative and/or non-positive),” the study reads.
The researchers conducted an online survey to explore if orgasms can result in negative feelings during consensual sex. Participants included people of diverse gender and sexual identities. “Specifically, we asked participants whether they have ever had an orgasm during coerced sex, compliant sex, and/or when they felt pressured to have an orgasm (i.e., orgasm pressure). We also asked participants who had such an experience to describe it, resulting in qualitative descriptions from 289 participants,” the study describes the goal of the research.
What are bad orgasms, really?
Analysing the data using qualitative and quantitative methods, researchers found evidence that supported their hypothesis. Several participants “described their experiences in negative and/or non-positive ways despite orgasm occurrence, reported that their orgasms were less pleasurable compared to other experiences, and suggested that their orgasm experiences had negative impacts on their relationships, sexuality, and/or psychological health.”
“Typically, [this happens] when someone goes through the physical motions of sex even when they’re not mentally or emotionally in the mood,” Sarah Melancon, PhD, a clinical sexologist with The Sex Toy Collective told Healthline.
What causes bad orgasms?
What could be the reasons behind experiencing bad orgasms? The study found society and culture largely to be blamed. “Participants also suggested that social location shaped their bad orgasm experiences, citing gender and sexual identity, gender identity conflict, race/ethnicity, and religion as important to their perceptions of and responses to their experiences. Results directly challenge the assumption that orgasms during consensual sex are always and/or unilaterally positive experiences,” the study reads.
There are several factors that can cause bad orgasms. It’s not always about consent, sometimes, due to societal norms and religious beliefs, there’s a lot of shame attached to feeling pleasure. One may feel guilty about orgasming and feel a sense of “impurity” that showers won’t help. Speaking of guilt, one can also experience a bad orgasm when having sex outside their primary relationship. Or when you are in love with someone else. In fact, you can also feel it when mid-way you realise you didn’t quite want to have sex with them.
It has a lot to do with how you feel about your partner. Are you doing it just to avoid conflict? Do you resent your partner? Several women feel pressured to have sex with their partners, whether they are in the mood or not. A study found that young women don’t understand consent well and find it hard to say no to sex with a date or partner. They feel they should be doing it because if they don’t either their love interest will find them unattractive or they will feel disinterested in them. There’s also peer pressure to be in the cool gang of sexually active people.
This can really mess with our mental health and also affect our relationships. It can put you off sex and make you associate it with negative thoughts and feelings.
ALSO READ:Clitoral Orgasms Are More Achievable And Reliable Than Vaginal Orgasms. So You Know What To Focus On
Learn to say no
What do we infer from this? Our society and religions are obsessed with sex and there are so many things we need to unlearn in order to truly liberate ourselves from bad orgasms. We need to understand that there is nothing wrong with experiencing pleasure and we owe it to ourselves. Sex isn’t a dirty word.
Apart from that, it’s important to be in sync with our feelings and make sure we are having sex for the right reason. The only reason you should have sex is that you feel like it – not because he wants it, you want to look cool, you want him to like you more or anything at all. Learn to say no at least until you know for sure you want it.
