Women Share Tips On Being More Sex Positive For More Pleasure
When I look back at my past self and how I navigated through sexual experiences, I can tell I have come a long way. I was naïve and less aware of my own desires. In fact, it’s safe to say I pursued orgasms with the same enthusiasm the police dedicates to finding lost phones. Probably why, I wasn’t getting many. However, over the past couple of years I have become more sex positive and intrepid when it comes to my pleasure.
It takes some time getting used to body hair and cellulite. I mean, if he is more focused on putting you in stereotypical beauty boxes, you shouldn’t be putting him in your box at all. Put him in a box that says “garbage” instead. I explored my desires and now I am not only aware of what I like, I also know what I am willing to try. And that really helps – you get more orgasms, even if you are giving them to yourself.
So when a woman on her journey to becoming sex positive asked other women on Reddit for tips to have a good, healthier sex life, comments just started pouring in!
Don’t worry too much about how your body looks
“Remember that your body’s primary purpose during sex is to give and receive pleasure, not to be looked at,” a woman wrote. Exactly! Why should you want to do it in the dark? Put some mood lighting on, de-robe yourself and really embrace how your body looks. Get used to the look of you naked. Don’t compare your body with those on the magazines! In fact, if you keep wondering how your orgasm face looks or if your stomach looks fat from a certain angle, you will never be able to fully enjoy. Let the inhibitions go.
Focus on feeling, not performing
Why do we treat sex like we are on stage and we will be judged by our partner on our performance? Why do we try to sex things up that doesn’t feel sexy at all? “Don’t put pressure on yourself or your partner to perform a certain way. Let things happen on their own and communicate throughout. And make sure to focus on your pleasure,” a woman wrote. “My #1 sex tip is to try not to think of “being good in bed” as a matter of gaining levels in a specialized skillset, and more as a matter of becoming a better communicator and letting go of your ego,” another woman added.
“The best lovers were the ones I could be totally unself-conscious with: the tender, patient, considerate kind, who demonstrated affection, humor, empathy, and all that other wonderful cornball shit, and met my vulnerability with their own,” a woman shared, on how her best sexual experience was all about feeling it and not putting on a show. That’s called being more sex positive!
Sex- educate yourself
The sex education we receive (if any at all!) is barely any good. It just feels like an abstinence-based view of sex that will teach you the basics that you could have just learnt in bio! Researching helps you learn and also not feel like some things are happening just to you. “Research! Give yourself the sex education you never got in school. It is important for your health (body and mind) to learn about sex and consent. Watch some YouTube videos from sex workers. Watch pole dancing videos. Follow a sex worker on Instagram. These videos empowered me in so many ways. Watching others be confident in their bodies made me feel more confident. I have more understanding of others choices and ways of life and was able to make informed choices for myself. I felt less embarrassed about what I like when I learned about kinks. Education is power,” a woman explained.
Know when to say yes and when to say no
Couple of years ago, I was probably not as open to trying things as I am now. I guess that comes with becoming more sex positive. When you feel unapologetic about your pleasure, you seek it in improved ways! “Be comfortable and be confident! Also do not be afraid to try something new just because you “think” you might not like it. There has been a few sexual things i have tried that I was hesitate to, and now I enjoy them,” a woman wrote.
However, it is important to be able to say no when you are not comfortable with something. Unless you are absolutely sure of it, don’t just give in. “But on the flip side, do not be afraid to express how you feel. If you are uncomfortable or not enjoying something speak up. That only makes the experience better for everyone,” a user wrote. “If something does not feel good say it, stop everything if you have to. Never ever force yourself to do something just because you don’t want to upset your partner. Leave any partner who makes you feel undesired or who coerces you into doing things you specifically stated you didn’t like. And don’t be afraid to explore yourself with yourself, knowing your own body first will really amplify intimacy with a caring, loving partner,” another woman pointed out.
Explore your sexuality
Imagine, if you don’t know which ice-cream you like and you walk into a store. You will just be okay with whichever ice-cream they hand you because you don’t know any better. Maybe you always had chocolate ice-cream. And you don’t know yet, but you are going to absolutely love the tender coconut one. You got to explore before zeroing in on things you like. “Get to know what you like outside of a relationship/partner. Masturbate, read erotica or watch some porn, check out those will/want/won’t lists and get to know what you like and what you definitely don’t want to do,” a woman wrote. “Start by having sex with yourself! Test out the waters with your hands and different toys! I have a vibrator for external and a beautiful glass dildo for internal and I switch it up now and again,” another lady added.
You not only get better at partnered sex but you also become more independent when it comes to your pleasure. “Try self-pleasure in your bed, in the bathtub, on your couch. Try different positions and different motions. Find what your body responds positively too. Try in front of a mirror. Loving yourself physically and mentally will grow you and prep you to share those experiences with a partner,” a woman explained.
ALSO READ: Study Says Sex Is More Important To Men’s Happiness Than Women’s. This Mindset Is Why Women’s Orgasms Take A Backseat
Finally, just own it
Everybody has a different view of sex. But when it comes to becoming sex positive, you have to find what you want and be comfortable with it. Society tells you casual sex is terrible. You like it, you get it. Your peers may find your abstinence from hookups to be “too conservative”. Don’t get pressurized into it. You have the autonomy over your sexuality and don’t let anyone judge you on what you do with your body, without harming others. “Sex is what you want it to be. You want to have a bunch of one night stands? Go for it. You want to wait until you’re in a serious relationship? Go for it. But it’s about what you want. Not what’s trendy or your friends or doing or what your partner is trying to get you to do,” a woman explained.