Women Share The Unexpected Good Things That Happen After A Breakup
Breaking up from a long-term relationship is hard. It scares us to the core and many of us will never take that step out of the relationship. We are taught that a relationship that lasts is the one that’s been successful. A relationship must never end unless a big issue happened, like abuse or infidelity. Even then some people stay or are forced to stay. But going through a relationship that is essentially not for you or has expired can make you feel trapped. It can make you a miserable person and everyone deserves happiness, right? A breakup need not be a bad idea.
So you wonder if you have a legit reason to walk out. You’re scared if you will be able to be out there on your own. You are afraid if you will ever find someone. You’re petrified of having to let go of some habits, invest in another person and start a new journey. Will you regret it? Maybe. Maybe not. But you will never find out if you stay. I believe in working on your issues but if it’s an absolute dead end and you don’t even love them, why stay?
When someone took to Reddit to ask women what positives they discovered after exiting a long-term relationship, the thread brought hope and happiness to many.
You get your confidence back
“I discovered that the way he saw me and talked about me was not the way that *everyone* saw me and talked about me. I rediscovered being complimented, and eventually learned to trust it. I learned that I wasn’t actually “bad” at sex or “broken”. I learned that I wasn’t lazy or unhirable, and that many people thought I was actually pretty smart and competent,” a woman wrote. Nobody deserves being gaslit and devalued. When you jump out of a toxic relationship and get you a nice breakup, you realise how perfect you are, even in your imperfections.
You have more time to invest in yourself
“So much free time, I hadn’t realized how much time I spent “caring” for him: cleaning up after him, doing his laundry, cooking meals, grocery shopping, managing the household, plus working full time,” a woman wrote. We invest so much time, love, energy and nurturing into our partners. In a balanced relationship, both partners invest and bear the fruits of their effort. But in a narcissist relationship, you are left so drained you have no energy to do anything for yourself. A breakup can help you focus on yourself again.
You can make your own decisions
“Enjoying what I wanted to enjoy, he never wanted to go anywhere and if I tried to go without him, he would pout and complain. Making decisions about my life and career. We moved for him to take a job. I never really “jived” with the place. It became clear his promise of “if you don’t like it here, we can reconsider” was never really going to happen. Once I was divorced, I could live literally anywhere,” a woman wrote.
“Cooking whatever food I liked and having leftovers. I have missed you satay and spice! Reading a book till whatever time. The time reinvesting into friends. The very best bit I say,” a woman added. I mean, having a companion with whom you can be one team and make individual as well as combined decisions is blissful. But taking those decisions independently isn’t so bad either after a breakup. Make the most of not having strings attached!
You find bliss in solitude
“Break ups are fucked up. They suck. But time in solitude teaches you to fill up your own soul so that when someone else comes along, they’re just an added bonus. I am not actively looking for love because I know it will find me when I am ready and I know there are certain trips, career moves and general time for hobbies that I need to focus on at this point in my life more than a romantic love. Once you get over the initial shit bit, it’s really such a beautiful time to enjoy,” a woman wrote. You break up and life teaches you not only to be alone but also love your own company.
Restore your identity
“Re-establishing myself as an individual, honestly. always been a bit of a boyfriend chameleon but it had gotten much worse with him because he constantly criticized me and gave “helpful suggestions” on ways I could be more appealing to him, and after so many years i had kind of lost my sense of self. It was really strange, in a nice way, to regain pieces of my old identity and form new ones that made me happy,” a woman shared. So many of us lose our individuality in a relationship and it sucks. A breakup can teach you an important lesson – prioritise your partner but don’t lose your identity, your life, and your people!
You are less lonely
“Life improved in basically every way, and I am now actually LESS lonely because I don’t feel like I’m chasing affection and attention from someone who’s not willing to give it to me,” a user wrote. I can vouch for this. I am okay with being single and getting no attention. But being alone in a relationship can make you feel like you’re under a mountain of crap. A breakup can make you less lonely. Who would have thought?
You are less stressed
“I see we had the same ex! He was so fun, I had some of my happiest moments with him (genuinely). But there was also so much daily stress with him, whether it was his mood shifts/his stress and exhaustion, or worrying he might do something to hurt me subtly (whether it was cheat on me or something else, considering he had done it 2-3x in his past), his demands of me that would help alleviate his anxiety, etc,” a woman explained. Fights can have a bad impact on our bodies, causing us to get into fight or flight mode. We need peace and if your relationship seems like one big fight, you’re better off losing that battle.
“I realized how toxic I was and how badly I needed to change. Being single and dating around made me realize what I wanted in a partner, but more importantly, what kind of partner I wanted to be (the best kind, btw),” a woman wrote. We are not perfect and after a breakup, we must reflect on things to figure how we can be better. Personal growth is an ongoing process!