Women Reveal Things That Seemed Cute During The Relationship But Were Actually Toxic
When we are in a relationship with someone, we are often so blinded by our love that we tend to ignore some of the red flags that are toxic AF. Like those red flags are right there, staring at you and you look right through them. In fact, sometimes, you find these cute even. Oh, he is so possessive! That means he loves me. When he fucks up and sends you a bunch of flowers at work and everybody thinks how adorable he is, maybe he is just trying hard to make up for being an ass to you. Maybe he wants everyone to think what an amazing boyfriend he is because they can only see the grand gestures not how he messed up.
It’s only after the cloud of love has cleared up that you see how he wasn’t being cute. You see the relationship was toxic afterall. In fact, I feel instead of crying over spilled milk, you can learn from the mistake and watch out for those red flags in the beginning.
But most importantly, we can learn from each other’s mistakes too! So when someone asked the women of Reddit what things they found cute about their ex only to discover it was toxic later on, ladies just poured their heart out!
Acting like a child
“He was always expecting me to prepare his lunch, even though I was also working full time and no one was preparing my lunch. Still annoys me thinking about. Good thing that I threw all that man away,” a woman wrote. Another woman commented on that, “He wasn’t your partner, he was your… child!” Well, it’s all cute and all and you’re pulling off an Ariana singing, “Switchin’ the positions for you…Cookin’ in the kitchen and I’m in the bedroom.” Until you begin to feel like he’s taking you for a maid.
“You’re not like other women”
“All the times he’d point out things about women he didn’t like and then emphasize how glad he is that I’m not like that,” a woman wrote. She added how he’d dis other women. “About a stranger woman minding her own business in public: I hate women with nose rings, they’re so fucking ugly. I’m so glad YOU don’t have a nose ring! Another woman guilty of existing within his eyeshot: ugh women who spend so much money on dumb purses and shit drive me crazy. It’s so impractical!! I’m so glad you aren’t like that,” she wrote.
“It was always so subtle, I’m sure reading it out of context it sounds obvious and awful but at the time it was as if he was commenting on the weather. And it felt like I was doing good. I was the Cool Girlfriend and I was desperate for him, older than my 18 yr old butt by 5 years, to like and respect me. I thought being all those things would get me that,” she concluded.
He was establishing gender roles and expecting her to be exactly how he’d like her to be, by rewarding her for that. Firstly, “other women” are equally awesome. Secondly, shove your opinion about someone else’s choices up where it belongs. This is so toxic.
Not understanding boundaries
“He would cross my boundaries constantly and say “you’re so beautiful, I just can’t help myself!” He could help himself. He chose not to,” a woman described her pathetic ex’s reason for not respecting boundaries. You can help yourself, bro. Being beautiful doesn’t make them available.
Another woman wrote how her ex would be too concerned about her. She only realised later how toxic it was! “When he wanted to share the same Apple ID and share my location with him at all times. If I didn’t tell him what I was doing 24/7 he would get upset with me. If I didn’t want to talk on the phone at 2am because I was too sleepy that meant that “I didn’t care about him”. When he would get mad with me over something so simple he would lock my phone until I apologized over and over again for making him “upset”. I thought that it was love. But, he didn’t love me. It was just about obsession and control,” she revealed. Yikes!
Grand but thoughtless gifting
“It’s a small thing, but: I used to think his big romantic gestures were cute. Roses, heart shaped pillows. Except I had never shown any interest in that stuff. He could have spent half the money on a gift that I’d care about. But he never bothered to find out what I’d like,” a user wrote. “I too used to think the big romantic gestures were sweet and showed that he loved me. I eventually realized the pattern that he’d do them to keep me staying with him, or do them when we weren’t together to get me back. Pure emotional manipulation. Took me a long time to finally see it,” another woman agreed!
He just wants to be a giver to feel like he’s an awesome partner. Little does he care about what kind of gifts you like.
Making decisions for you
“I’ve actually had SEVERAL exes enjoy picking out my outfits/buying me clothes? I love clothes and dressing up, so it made me feel like a pretty doll or something (mind you, these weren’t even sexy clothes or lingerie)…but later I realized it was a weird control thing and they kind of wanted me to ACT like a doll too. I had one that would call me before we went out to ask what colors I was wearing so he could coordinate. I’m always serving different looks, so I thought it was ADORABLE at first (strangers would often approach us to say how great we looked together). I have a very diverse fashion sense that can contrast greatly from day to day or from season to season…these guys would get frustrated if my outfits didn’t coordinate with their aesthetic? Like I either looked too edgy or too wholesome to be seen with them. I like a fashionable guy, but if you don’t love me at my Debbie Harry, then you don’t deserve me at my Grace Kelly,” a woman wrote.
Yeah, once in a while it’s cute if my boyfriend picks outfits for me. But only if I ask him to. Otherwise, a lot of planning goes into it. Have I waxed? If I am going for a buffet, I will wear something loose on the tummy. If I going for a night of drinking, I will not wear a jumpsuit (ladies would know why!) and if my strapless bra has gone for a wash, I am not wearing a tube dress. A lot goes into it!
“Oof, I remember my ex saying to me “I get jealous when you hang out with your friends because you aren’t hanging out with me.” We were long distance at the time and I chalked it up to his feelings about that. In retrospect, I realized that in that instance and in many others, he was actually trying to manipulate me from seeing both my family and friends because he didn’t want me hanging out with anyone at all except for him. Also, if I told him I would be at a family event or hanging out with friends, he would call and text incessantly and would get angry if I didn’t pay enough attention to him,” a woman wrote. This is NEVER cute; this is toxic. You should be able to have other people in your life.
“He made me sappy homemade gifts for holidays. For my birthday I got a framed collage of photos of us and a handwritten letter, for Christmas it was road trip kit and a collection of letters to open on the first of every month because we were long distance. I’ve never had a man be so sweet and clear about his feelings… But these gifts always came immediately after a big freak out about commitment and/or bipolar cycle – uninviting me to Thanksgiving (my birthday is the week after), deciding not to come for home for Christmas to meet my family (although he changed his mind 4 days before the flight and came),” a woman wrote. She added, “I now know that these weren’t grand gestures of love, they were pretty cut and dry examples of lovebombing and I fell for it hook line and sinker. I think it’s pretty likely I’ll never let a man be romantic with me ever again because it seems like a huge red flag.” Yeah, they get all cute just after they fuck up so they can manipulate you into staying. And that’s toxic.
Making you feel like you’re nothing
“No one will love you like I do. I thought this was normal, it’s not. You’re right, buddy. No one will love me like you do ever again, because I’m not going to let anyone else manipulate and abuse me like you did,” a woman wrote. Well, does it mean you’re doing me a favour? I deserve love, bish! “Oh that one feels just so close to ‘you are nothing without me’,” a woman pointed out! Toxic!