Women Reveal How They Deal With Misogynistic Fathers
Misogyny is a continuous part of our culture that goes from one generation to the next, while slowly changing at every stop. Primary caregivers tend to raise their children in the same way they have been raised, at least taking most of the driving principles from their upbringing. Mothers will use the same stencil (a little modified!) their mothers used. They will teach their daughters to cook, be a good wife material and be as domesticated as possible. Fathers will imitate the belief system of their parents too, expecting gender-conforming behaviours from their own sons and daughters. Of course, it largely depends on how conformative your own parents have been! If they themselves didn’t believe in the gender bias that existed, they would want to change that when they have the authority. But with us being exposed to woke content every day, many fathers are still adhering to their misogynistic mindset. Thus, the gap between their woke-ness and our woke-ness is still rather wide.
In the earlier days, women with small feet in China were considered attractive. And women with bigger feet would be considered promiscuous. So women would practise feet-binding techniques so their feet won’t grow fully. That left them almost immobile, and with distorted feet structure and needless to say, a lot of pain. Also, since the young girls would not be able to be active or do anything, the guys got to take over and just shine. This would go on from one generation to the next like the inheritance of loss. Misogyny has a way of seeping into your life through your parents and elders in the family.
However, since we are not sold on it, and we refuse to carry it forward, it can often create uncomfortable situations at home. Does it happen at your home that your father expects your mother to be the primary nurturer of the house? Does he like to be served dinner on a platter? Does he think sports in a man’s thing? Does he feel domestically paralysed if your mother isn’t around? Have you ever fought with him or really cringed at something he said that was so problematic?
Women took to Reddit to discuss their equation with their misogynistic fathers. Some women decided to ignore it but most of them called their dads out whenever possible.
“My dad is probably 20% misogynistic and it’s basically about things he’s never really questioned, like who clears the dinner table (usually my mom), not about major things (he works with and promotes women, he’s always encouraged me to seek education and excel professionally and so on),” a woman wrote.
Another woman has been trying to get her father to become more woke. “Nowadays I try to point out his misogyny in a way that is not offensive, but it doesn’t really work and I end up embarrassing him, then I feel awful. For instance, we were sitting together one day and my fiancé joins us. I ask my fiancé if he’s hungry, he says yes, and my dad turns to me unprompted and says “well.. go! Get him some food.”. My fiancé and I look at each other and he gets up and gets his own food. Then I tell my dad that he’s perfectly capable of putting food on his own plate, that it’s not my job. Then my dad feels kind of humiliated and I want to hug him. I think I should take some time and explain things better to him someday soon,” she wrote.
This woman’s dad felt that sports is for men and she made sure she called him out for the same. “My dad, a father of 3 daughters and no sons, once made a ridiculous comment about the increasing number of women hosting sports shows or commenting on sports, mainly mens’ football (soccer). He said it was weird and forced. I asked him whether having a penis was a requisite for having an opinion on or being able to analyse football since these women were very capable and knowledgable. He admitted that it wasn’t but still,” she revealed. However, she added that she has to pick her battles because it can get exhausting fighting over every comment. “I doubt he’s ever going to change his outdated and awful views, but I try to poke holes in his idiotic “logic” when I have the mental energy. If I did it to all his little comments, I’d be exhausted,” she explained.
This woman too calls him out publicly so he may realise his misogynistic views are embarrassing. “A few years ago he made a really horrible comment on a facebook video of a random politician, calling her a gendered slur. I replied to his comment, saying “I can’t believe this is coming from someone who has a mother, a sister, a wife, daughters and nieces.” He ended up deleting his comment,” she revealed.
Another woman explained how her dad has sexist beliefs but he has improved over time. “My dad still believes in many stereotypes like certain house chores are only for girls and you can’t go out with “revealing” clothes because you are attracting pervs. To put into perspective, one of his definition of revealing is wearing anything above knee-length. He changed a bit over the years but some of his beliefs are still the same,” she wrote. “He often hasn’t thought about what he is saying and thinks it’s okay as he’s quite old fashioned. He does listen mostly and takes on board what I’m saying and does improve,” another woman wrote about how her father has improved as well.
This woman just ignores it because he seems like a lost cause. “I’ve just learned to ignore him, unfortunately you can’t change the mentality of a 70 year old man. When younger I used to get into arguments with him, not worth my time anymore,” she expressed.
ALSO READ: Hina Khan Opens Up About Her Conservative Family And How She Has Carved Her Own Path. She Really Is Living Life On Her Own Terms
Meanwhile, another woman thinks it’s pointless and that her father’s thinking will change if he is exposed to woke news. “I don’t do anything. I’ve accepted that he lived in a different time from me where that way of thinking is the norm. He is too stubborn to open up his mind and calling him out would do nothing but result in a pointless argument between us two. It irks me but I remind myself that compared to dozen others, at least he is somewhat progressive. He’s not really misogynistic tbh but he does say very hurtful things. With outside influences on his own (news, his friends, etc.) his thinking will somehow change, rather than me confronting him directly,” she wrote.
