Women Get Candid About Things They Will Never Compromise On When Looking For A Relationship
I know several people who can be on the poster of the phrase, “Once bitten, twice shy!” Honestly, I completely understand that even a glimpse of a trait of our ex that caused us to suffer can make us run miles away. You know, if you dated a guy who was very outgoing and prioritised his friends over you, if the next guy you meet is even slightly an extrovert it will scare you. It is natural, but it doesn’t mean it is healthy. Someone recently told me that we should not let our past influence our relationships today. I agree!
When you fall for someone new, they deserve all the love and affection sans the heavy baggage that you’ve been carrying. You need that as well. Having said that, it’s still important to learn from your relationship experience instead of just crying over spilled milk.
What are the things you absolutely need? Being single can get lonely sometimes. But it’s still better than being in a bad relationship. So there’s no way you should lower your standards just to accommodate a half-deserving, substandard partner.
So when someone took to Reddit to ask what standards women are not willing to lower to find love, several ladies had some great insights! Here’s what they said and I believe we can use it as a template to find love too.
He should care for your emotional needs
“That my partner should want to support my emotional needs and should at least want to learn how to communicate their emotional needs,” a woman wrote. He may not always meet all your emotional needs. But he should care enough to meet most of them!
He should not put you down
“I will never settle for “good enough” when it comes to love. I won’t tolerate someone who puts me down all the time, manipulates me, or in unkind to my family. I’m happily single and perfectly content staying that way if I don’t find my person. Better to be alone than lonely together,” a woman shared. A guy who doesn’t respect you, doesn’t deserve you.
He should clean after himself
“If you’re not able to do chores/don’t care about housework, it’s a no for me. I’m not about to become a live-in cleaner in any relationship,” a woman wrote. Ah, the number of men who get themselves a wife just to take care of their house is huge. Get a maid instead?
He should respect your independence and boundaries
“I will never ever settle for someone who is threatened by my independence and privacy in a relationship. No, I will not drop my hobbies, demote my friends or give you access to my devices. I will not indulge tantrums because I am busy and I don’t text you back in 30 seconds,” a woman shared. Of course, you will prioritise your partner but you don’t have to drop your independence for that.
Too much jealousy is not romantic
“Toxic jealousy/insecurity is so normalised in dating culture and it is unacceptable to me. If me refusing to make a partner the centre of the universe makes them suspicious I am likely to cheat, it will never work. I see so many women on these subs make their worlds small because their (usually male) partner is threatened by them having a life, and it is something I will never understand,” a woman added. Some amount of jealousy is natural. But when it gets toxic, relationships crumble.
He should never try to change your appearance
“Never again will I date someone who wants to change my appearance. My last ex-boyfriend told me, “Oh I like women with short hair, or with something done to their hair. Regular, long hair is boring.” Meanwhile this guy’s mom still shopped for his clothes and he was probably the most “plain” looking person I’d ever met,” a woman shared. He should love you for who you are!
He should believe in equality
“I will never date someone who doesn’t respect women and believe women deserve equal rights, or someone who doesn’t treat women will,” a woman asserted. Any guy who doesn’t believe in equality doesn’t deserve to have a woman in his life.
Emotional intelligence is a must
“Emotional intelligence and empathy are big things I lacked in my previous relationship. It’s hard to find a guy who is empathetic and knows how to pull his own weight when it comes to emotional labor in a relationship but I got pretty burned out trying to keep us both afloat,” a woman wrote. Emotional intelligence can solve many relationship problems. Otherwise it’s just a couple fighting over stupid things and never reaching a solution.
And so is being loyal
“Emotional and physical fidelity. Will not date someone who is attached to someone else. Or can’t commit to one person. Or can’t commit period. Ever. But that’s the bare minimum,” a woman pointed out. You cannot be with someone who betrays your trust. Fidelity is a no-brainer; it’s an absolute must!
Narcissism is a dealbreaker
“Anyone with uneven expectations around time and availability, my ex husband made me drop everything in thirty seconds for him but he could go off the grid for a few days and i was supposed to suck it up, it’s a control thing , and like every situation is different but if someone keeps tabs on me but i can’t keep tabs on them (not that i would that’s toxic) then I’m out,” a woman shared. These partners are terrible to say the least. You’re the only one doing all the work. And they just want to feel like a king. Nope. Not happening!