Why I Don’t Want A Guy I Have To “Keep” Interested
Has it ever happened to you that a guy specifically pursued you and left you at “I want to keep it casual”? It’s so typical. You meet this seemingly amazing guy, who sweeps you off your feet by being a good listener, having manners, and saying all the right things. If he acts all woke, you’re floored because hey, if you’re not saying misogynistic things to women, you’re already rare. So with our very low standards of what kind of a guy we can date, we fall for his smooth charm. And it’s not like when you trip over a flat surface. You could definitely feel the surface mushrooming up when you kissed after having such a wonderful date that he asked you for. It’s going so well, you let your guards down and there he goes, acting disinterested. Wait, am I supposed to “keep” a guy interested?
So you’re telling me that you pursued me and I am supposed to keep you interested? Boy, I am no TV show that struggles for your TRP. I come across so many articles on the internet, as well as people on Quora and Reddit asking one common thing: “How do I keep him interested?” It annoys the fuck out of me. We need to stop treating men like children that need to be entertained to get them to eat.
It’s a lot of pressure and it’s part exciting, part painful. You are smitten, you enjoy his company, and his mere presence thrills you to the core. In all your selfies, you have either a wide smile or a horny AF expression – both making you feel all sorts of good. The novelty, the challenge, and you being on your toes keep you all pumped up. But it’s also painful.
What’s more, I feel bad even if another woman – is selflessly in love with a man who is clearly not valuing her. That’s okay to be in unrequited love, but why would you want to keep trying to get him interested in you? You’ll dress sexy, flirt with another guy to get him jealous and he will be, possibly. But then what? He criticises the cake for not being gluten-free but cannot handle anyone else appreciating it? Every now and then, he will give you a hint of interest – just enough to keep you hooked. And you will try harder to keep him interested. It’s not worth it, woman. Here’s why.
A guy who genuinely likes you won’t become cold after sex
Sex is part of a healthy romantic connection but there are men who will just disconnect after sex. There you are, still a little high on all that affection, and he is checking his texts, and skimming his attention. Seems like he isn’t really interest and all that wonderful treatment was a result of his hormones. But if a guy genuinely likes you, you won’t have to wonder about when he will call you after your night out. You won’t be thinking, “Is he really into me?” You will know for sure; it will be effortless.
If his interest is so fleeting, how reliable is he anyway?
A guy whose interest has to be kept is barely reliable. Where is the peace if you have to constantly be on your toes, trying to be loved and valued by a man? This creates a major imbalance in the relationship with one person giving it all and the other person treating himself like a king. If you put him on a pedestal, he will always have an upper hand. Even if he ends up liking you, what’s the guarantee that his fleeting interest won’t find another taker? We need stability and security.
You won’t even be yourself while at it
Honestly, I have observed that I am much funnier and talkative when I know I am loved. I can be myself with someone who likes me for who I am. If I have the pressure to be interesting, I just can’t pull it off. So if you’re constantly trying to be the person he’d be into, are you even being yourself? It’s better to just be yourself and find a guy who doesn’t need to be convinced that you’re amazing!
It affects your self-worth
I admit it shouldn’t be that way but when you are going out with a guy who isn’t into you as much as you are into him, it hurts your self-worth. You are constantly putting yourself down, settling for the kind of connection that isn’t half as good as what you deserve. And it makes you wonder if you are not interesting enough, if you’re not sexy enough and if you are cool at all. Why? Because you are having to struggle to keep a guy interested. It’s not you, it’s actually him. You’re amazing.
The right guy will be equally invested in you
When the right guy comes along, it will start off in a similar fashion. You will have amazing conversations, he will ask you out and things will start flowing. You will be unsure this time, wondering if his interest will sustain itself or will you have to engage him like he’s a baby. But that’s when you will begin to notice the difference. He will prioritise you, intimacy won’t scare him, and he will value you – for what you are. He will be smitten too. He will look at your smile and blush, call you cute when you do your signature silly things, and won’t leave you on seen. You see a guy who is worth your time does not need convincing. You don’t need to “keep” him interested because he already is!