This Is How You Will Know When You Find ‘The One’
Sitting in a quaint coffee shop with a half-consumed cup of heart-warming Irish Latte, brewed to perfection, I gaze at the gladdening fairy lights that embellish the place. In all that ambient bliss, my peace and calm are often penetrated by the sounds of people, either parleying, broken occasionally by bouts of laughter or nattering away. Me? I do that too but often I hit the cafes to be alone with my thoughts. Isn’t it beautiful that cafes are always laden with conversations, almost like the aroma of coffee that is so deeply characteristic of the place? These are the moments where it is all about connection and your company. I’d rather meet my ‘the one’ at a cafe than at a bar.
Is this why we see more dates in a bar than at a café? Alcohol does seem to give you a pseudo sense of connection, after all. With a little vodka in your system, you’re there, finding him more attractive than he is and his jokes funnier than they really are. What’s more, your guard comes down and not because he makes you comfortable but because you’re drinking the extroversion juice.
I am not saying don’t meet your dates at a bar. But if you are trying to find out if he is the one, there are more accurate ways to do so. For instance, the way you feel when you meet the person you should be with will be refreshingly different. Here’s a checklist!
You feel things just flow like they are working out on their own
We love drama and even the chase makes the romance so much more appealing than it really is. But if a relationship is too difficult, even to be born and you’re struggling to get him to commit, he isn’t the one. Nope, the presence or absence of their desire to be with you doesn’t define the worth of that person. But it does signal whether he is the one for you or not.
When you finally meet someone you should be with, you won’t struggle to kickstart things. Your relationship will fuel its wheel on its own and drive things at a pace that feels comfortable to both of you. You will be surprised at the plain-sailing nature of the events. Don’t let the no-storm be misunderstood as no-passion though.
You feel calm and in sync
When Lewis Capaldi sings, “Was there something I could’ve said…To make your heart beat better? If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather,” it reminds me of the time I really wanted someone who wasn’t mine to keep. It feels like there’s a storm contained within you and it’s a whole lot of mess. Love isn’t supposed to feel that way. When you meet the one, you will be calm and in sync with them. You won’t feel like you’re fighting with the universe or swimming against the current. If that’s how you feel with him, he might as well be the guy who you should be with.
Distance or space doesn’t make you insecure
You have this new-found sense of security and it isn’t dependent on how closely you are glued to him. You both have lives and careers you need to cater to; he may even be miles away. But when you genuinely love someone, according to a study, it alters your brain chemicals. Somehow, even if you think of them, the reward center in your brain lights up. So space or distance has no effect on your bond. In fact, if anything, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
It doesn’t scare you
Commitment can be scary but your heart feels at ease with him. It doesn’t make you want to run or hide under a duvet. You want it and you feel safe enough to dive right in. It’s exciting and you can’t help but want more closeness, not detest it.
You want to put in the effort
Every couple has conflicts and issues – some are out and exposed while some gathering dust under the carpet. Having said that, you never feel like ‘Why should I do this for him?’ You both are willing to put in the effort and make each other a priority. That one foot which was out of the door has slowly come in. In Plain White Ts’ words, you’d walk to him if there was no other way.
You’re awake, alive, and healing
Fuckbois, self-doubt, commitment phobia – all of it seems like a blur. Your heart is healing. His company makes you happy, genuinely, actively elated and alive. He is the Moov to your backache, Soframycin to your wounds, and cupcakes to your PMS.
It doesn’t feel new at all
You’re surprised how you clicked instantly. It’s funny that you felt so comfortable talking to him even the first time you did. I was watching Modern Love and the first episode is so beautiful! There’s a woman who shares a unique relationship with her doorman Guzmin. He acts like a father figure to her and often dismisses just every guy she goes on a date with. Until one day when he finally approves of the guy she brings over. That is when he tells her that he was never looking at the guy, he was looking at her all the time. Like Scarface says, “The eyes, Chico. They never lie.” The happiness, joy, peace, and comfort will be clearly evident in your body language when you are with the one. You will be like a radiant unicorn, completely herself, feeling loved, safe and secure. At that moment, you’ll be happy it never worked out with anyone else.