Things You Need More Than Finding A Husband Right Now
It’s not like our parents intend to burden us with the pressure of finding a husband. But desi parents do feel it is their ultimate duty to get their daughters married. It stems from ancient times (it still happens but we are progressing!) when a woman was seen as “paraaya dhan”. For ages, our worth was attached to our marital status. If you re unmarried beyond a certain age, you are having too much fun. If a woman is widowed, she is stripped off her right to have fun. So if you are unmarried, our society would not shy away from making you feel all sorts of irrational negative thoughts. To protect us from that and you know secure our future, our parents push us to get married.
But women need a lot more from life than a husband. Sons are taught to be financially independent, make their career, and have a bucket list before settling down for marriage. Daughters just have to age like humans do and look pretty while at it. Unfair, right? Then again, times are truly changing and we need not be pessimistic. Millennials are going to be crucial in changing gender perspectives and empowering women to feel complete without a man is step one. You need a lot more from life and instead of feeling sad about not having a partner, focus on finding things!
When we are young and naïve, and our Indian parents are always there for us, we don’t realise that independence goes a long way. I have always been a little independent, right from college and it just keeps getting better. This year, I became a little more comfortable with solitude, a little more invested in securing my future financially and doing things on my own, without anyone being there for “moral support.” Those people living independently are doing great and I wish I could do that. I have added it to the next stage of the personal growth (not husband!) I am seeking.
Peace and healing
Again, this year has hurt most of us by throwing stressors at us at full speed. Even in our dating past, we’ve met fuckbois, had our hearts broken, hated love and all of that. We’ve worried sick about where our career is heading, about what’s next and so much more. But it’s time to heal and find a way to make peace with wherever you are. You are in the right place, at the right time. Your future husband can wait.
You will thank your younger self for investing in financial assets and not fuckbois. Have fun, get drunk, make out with the tempting mess at the bar. But don’t forget that your priority is you and not finding a husband. And let’s just say it’s bullshit that money can’t buy you happiness. It can so save wisely. Tomorrow when you spend your hard-earned money on travelling to places that heal and hearten, it will make you proud.
A lot of us don’t make goals because we don’t know where marriage will take us. Life doesn’t work that way. Just the other day my friend said she may not move abroad because a guy she likes is in India. I mean, set your goals and let things work out around them. Even short term goals like learning a new skill, losing/gaining weight, or developing spiritually – make them and take them seriously.
Get busy making memories doing things you love. These experiences will shape you and thrill you. It’s important to know who you are, what makes you happy, and allow that spurt of growth to happen to you. Of course, you can grow after marriage but priorities change, and realistically speaking, you won’t get as much time with your friends later.
No matter how amazing your future husband is, a little self-preservation is important. But without self-love, you won’t even know where to draw the line. You must know what you bring to the table so you don’t settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate or deserve you. You must know you are too good to be undermined, mansplained, or for someone to come and murder your spark. Spend time speaking positively to yourself. Self-deprecation isn’t cute.
If anything, 2020 taught us that nothing is above good health. So instead of spending all your free time on Bumble, maybe head out for a quick run? Instead of spending all your money on alcohol and junk food and clothes you will never wear, buy vitamins, go for regular checkups, and eat healthily.
Strengthening your existing relationships
We focus so much on finding a husband. As adults, we are busy going out on dates, investing time in men who will probably not stick around. But can we just focus on strengthening our existing relationships with our family and friends? These will last and never make you wonder, “Are they using me for sex?”