People Get Candid About The Green Flags That Say Your Partner Is A Gem
They say the first six months of a relationship are often a bed of roses and you tend to ignore the thorns. You’re brimming with oxytocin, the bonding hormone and cuddling can resolve most of your conflicts. When the hormones settle down, the novelty fades, the problematic behaviours tend to become more visible to you. Initially, he gets jealous at the drop of a hat and you go like, “Aww, that’s so adorable. He loves me!” But reality hits when he starts going through your chats and asking you to not hang out with your male colleagues. He gets mad when you talk to any guy and you feel like you’re being suffocated. So maybe, right in the start we can keep an eye out for green flags that say your partner is a gem and will last in your life.
These green flags are not the very basic ones. For instance, he not violating your consent or not taking advantage of you while you’re drunk isn’t a green flag. It’s the bare minimum. It’s basic decency without which he can be a perverted asshole or a molester. We are talking about about behaviours that say you both are getting along well, he is a reliable person and definitely not a fuckboi.
It doesn’t come with any guarantee that a relationship will last. But these green flags make it more possible and more worth the leap of faith. Here are some green flags you can watch out for, as revealed by Redditors!
They are there for the non-glam parts
“This was one of the most romantic things my husband did when we were early-ish in our relationship. He doesn’t even remember it or think it was a big deal but it was a huge green flag for me. I was preparing to move to a new apartment and had a ton of stuff going on in my life,” a woman wrote. “I was super stressed and drained and when I was cleaning the fridge one of the shelves inside literally shattered. The next day he let me know that he had looked up my fridge model, found the shelf as a standalone piece and ordered it and it would be there in two days (or whatever). I cried. I was so, so grateful,” she explained. “It showed me what a supportive partner he could be and it was just what I needed,” the woman concluded. A guy who is reliable enough to be with you through all the uninteresting parts of your relationship is waving the green flags right at you!
The conversations just flow
“My husband and I have endless conversations. There’s nothing we can’t talk about. Nothing. The first time we ever chatted on the phone we talked for 6 hours. We’ve been together for 15 years and STILL talk every day, several times a day,” a woman revealed. I love this! Conversations flow, you connect better and that’s everything we need.
Hours seem minutes with them
“When my husband and I first started dating, we went on our second date and went back to his house and sat and talked all night long. It seemed like minutes had passed when the sun started coming up. It’s a little cheesy but that’s the night that I knew I was in love,” a woman shared. Time flies when you are with someone you click with. Green flags are made of such shit!
Silence is comfortable with them
“Comfortable silences. If you can enjoy each other’s companies without needing a distraction you’re usually golden,” a user wrote. “That’s how you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence,” someone took a quote from Mia (Pulp Fiction). You should be able to be quiet with them too!
When you can have not just drinking dates with them
“When my now-wife and I were dating, we started having “introvert dates” where one of us would come over and we’d just craft or work on projects in the same room, sometimes talking, sometimes putting a show on in the background. It was so cozy and domestic, like we already lived together,” someone shared. This is so endearing!
You can laugh together
Someone pointed out how important a sense of humour is when in a relationship. “Being able to make each other laugh. Understanding the other person’s sense of humor is critical in long relationships, and besides, do you really want to get serious with someone who can’t hardly make you laugh or smile,” they wrote. This is one of the most important green flags without which life will be dull!
You can be goof balls together
“Being weird together after only a couple of dates. It has taken me forever with most. But if I’m able to open up and be silly then I know it’s a really good sign as I’m an introvert and incredibly shy around someone new, especially someone I see as a partner,” a user shared. “When you feel completely at ease with them. You feel you can totally be yourself. Love is fireworks at first but if they come with a warm glow rather that edginess, that’s a good sign,” someone shared. It means they bring you comfort and acceptance.
They respect your boundaries
“If you set a boundary and they respect it,” a user wrote. “If you say that you are more comfortable meeting them at the date location after they offer you a ride they shouldn’t insist on picking you up,” another person added. “Yeah. see how someone reacts when you say “no” to them If they respect it, it’s pretty good. Although you must be careful, people such as narcissists are good at giving you whatever you want at the beginning of a relationship,” a user pointed out. A person who violates your boundaries can do so in worse ways as the relationship progresses.
They can apologise
“Also you don’t have “fights” you have discussions about things and come to reasonable conclusions and apologise for mistakes. They also let go of the problem afterwards,” someone wrote. “To tag onto this– Apologizing/admitting they were wrong and then making the genuine effort to correct their poor behaviour. (If needed),” a user added. “So much this. If both people in a relationship can look at themselves objectively and admit when they’re wrong, a calm conversation will solve 95% of relationship problems,” someone pointed out. Apologising right is one of the most essential green flags.
They don’t force their likes/dislikes on you
“They don’t push their preferences on you and pressure you to maintain them,” someone wrote. “
Neither of us try and change each other’s minds, we’ll show each other cool stuff in the crossover area, but the outside areas get left alone. She won’t subject me to stuff I find sleepy or nauseating and I won’t subject her to things she finds terrifying and overstimulating,” a user shared. Individuality is important, even in a relationship.
Spending time apart doesn’t create problems
“They’re ok with spending time apart. A significant other (or even just a friend) that can spend their own time alone and doesn’t absolutely need you to be happy is a major green flag. You should make each others’ lives better, not become each others’ entire lives,” a user wrote. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, doesn’t it?
There is acceptance and understanding
“They accept you for who you are, flaws and all. Now I’m not saying that the flaws ignored but they see them and help you work through them and better yourself,” a user wrote. let’s admit, nobody really changes and you are your virtues, your flaws, your quirks!
They are curious about you
“It’s not just about the flow of a given conversation, it’s about having genuine, enthusiastic interest in you and the things you care about. It doesn’t mean they have to like the same things you like, but they should be able to engage with you even when it’s not their “thing”,” a user pointed out. They should be interested in your life. Not being a narcissist is one of the major green flags!