NEW! Hauterfly’s Post Divorce Single Mom (PDSM Expert) Tells You How To Start Feeling Sexy When You’re A Single Mom
Hello, I am divorced. I use that as a preamble because I want to get the setting just right. Now, gather around me. If you’re a PDSM (nothing to do with anything sexual…or is it?) which is a Post Divorce Single Mom like me, I know you’ve a few hiccups you’re working with. Just because we have lost what we assumed would be our life-long stick shift, that does not mean that our libido has bid us adieu, right? Because contrary to popular belief, single moms are not aliens visiting from another
planet. Sorry to shock you off your seat, ladies and gentlemen but I tried to land this spaceship of truth as gently as possible.
Yes, living and breathing humans. With feelings and needs and desires. We feel the wanton lust when we are not looking for a lost sock that is right in front of my children or when I am not cooking in my sweats.
And while we thought we could figure it out post divorce and after fumbling around a bit, we probably will. But, it is literally so much harder to get back on the dating scene carrying the baggage of another man and his child. Harder than it is to watch the last three Shahrukh Khan movies at gunpoint which was pretty tough, mind you. But fret not dear single mommies. All is not lost.
Here are a few ways which can help you get your groove back. Sit back and take notes…
Yes, clear some space on your smart-phones and download those apps. Tinder, Bumble, the works. Whether it is a one-night stand or a long-term relationship that you are looking for, trust me, you’re not going to find either by sitting on your bed living out your best Bridget Jones life. If you truly want to find your Mr. Darcy, you have to get out and get yourself a sampler of what the world has to offer, and an app can help you get there faster.
Enlist the services of eager friends and family
Every single woman has at least one male friend who has had wet dreams about her ever since they studied together in kindergarten. And as any post divorce single mom will tell you, she has also had unholy thoughts about, so that would be a good place to start to get hot and heavy, but if for some reason you are bereft of this option, worry not! Just ask your regular friends and family to hook you up with a person of interest, someone with whom you can possibly share interests and body fluids with.
Stop judging yourself
I know it’s easy to fall into that trap of ‘Will the world think less of me for wanting to feel the comforting warmth of a partner again?’ Listen, we are already part of a culture that thinks lesser of us for being the Divorced Single Moms that we are, so the least you can do for yourself is to not join them in making things worse. Just take a deep breath every time you feel panic rising,
and pat yourself on the back for walking out on toxic situations, raising a child, and hustling hard for a better life and cut yourself some slack. It is s not easy what we do, we know that, and that’s enough. The ‘world’ can catch up at its own time, meanwhile, you strut your best self out the door and do that sexy thing.
Invest in a toy
Whatever your sexual past is, my advice is to just leave it there. The PDSM (you know, post-divorce-single mommy) era of your life beckons the beginning of a new you! But, if you have just escaped a sexless relationship or a sexually abusive one, it is understandable that you might feel reluctant to get out there and grab life by its balls (love a good pun). So only when you are ready, invest in a good toy (and in a good lock for your bedroom door). Start small, perhaps with the popular lipstick vibrator as seen used amply to fruition by Kiara Advani in Lust Stories, and begin by exploring your own body. Find out what you like, what makes your bedroom walls shake, and cross that bridge of discomfort by getting utterly comfortable in your own beautiful skin.
Cut it out
Whatever it is that you don’t like about your Post Divorce Single Mom life, or causing your toxicity levels to shoot up, cut it out. Whether it’s just your hair, an annoying ex, your parents, your best friend who refuses to get on the same page with you, that 90’s playlist you have been listening to since high school (sorry, Britney, but you don’t do it for me anymore), that habit that you know is slowly eating away at you. You could be your own worst enemy. Even your own debilitating thought processes can be bad, cut it out. I know that this is easier said than done, but just like everything else, start by taking baby steps. Consider this as an all-important filtering process which is imperative to deciding who stays with you in your glorious PDSM life, so listen to your inner voice when she screams at you to drop that up-to-no-good frenemy. Single Mommies, I know we all have that sexy Sushmita Sen type diva inside of us whose hair flies in the wind as we walk amongst people who can’t help but stop and smile at us. I also know that we fantasise about it when we drop our tired heads on our tear-soaked pillow at night. But one step at a time, one day at a time, ladies, get up and teach yourself to walk again to your own beat.