Men Reveal What Stops Them From Seeing Someone As A Long-Term Partner
Sometimes, we end up falling for someone, who may be very good at heart but has zero reliability as a long-term partner. It’s tempting—you cherish their company, they make you laugh and understand you well. But like Joey tells his sister, if he is funny then laugh, don’t carry his baby. I wish life was all about love and nothing else, so we could be with someone who is super caring. But we need so much more—like would I date someone who takes drugs? Or someone who has the habit of spending more than we both can earn? Nope.
I have never been in a relationship just for fun. I like to have at least the possibility of a future with the guy. This means that men who are all fun but lack commitment, have the habit of heavy flirting with their female friends, or have issues like drug abuse just don’t make the cut. I also like to know we are on the same page with what we want from our lives.
Similarly, men have such criteria too. Why would they commit to a person they don’t see as a good option for them when it comes to long-term partnership? Of course, some desi men have a lot of sexist shit going on. They will hookup with a woman and then assume she isn’t a long-term relationship material because she hooks up. Double standards are aplenty.
However, several men genuinely seek the same kind of stability and security that we do. I believe I should be the best version of myself, for myself. And that will attract a partner who has the same ideology as mine.
So what are the things that would stop men from seeing a woman as a long-term partner? This thread on Reddit has the answers.
A user wrote how trust and communication are very important. “Being unable to trust them or communicate openly,” a user wrote. Another guy added how he wants to be on the same page when it comes to life goals. “Incompatible life goals life wanting children, antagonistic personalities, unreliable whether it be with planning or money or whatnot.”
Someone said he considers dependency as a red flag. “I wouldn’t want a woman who was tethered to me financially. She needs to be there of her own free will, not trapped. That means she needs her own career. We’re never mixing finances. That’s also why I don’t want children. Perhaps that’s my main insecurity, but I want a woman who I know for a fact is with me because she wants to be, and there’s no ulterior motive for her staying. If we’re not both free to walk away, then staying doesn’t mean anything.” Well, women are not in for the money but as a couple finances should be shared. See, that’s why for this guy, a woman like me would never be a long-term partner and he wouldn’t be one for me.
Another guy said he wants to see if they “agree on whether we want kids, or how we spend money, or religion, or where we want to live long term, or even how mentally stimulating the person is, or what type of growth potential you see in them or how much they inspire you to be a better person. Those things are all things that you would need to consider with a long term partner.”
Several men considered being in touch with their ex as a red flag, as also “toxic personalities of any kind.”
Some men found too much spontaneity and immature behaviour as a deal-breaker when it comes to a long-term partner. “Spontaneous, can’t hold a job, relies too heavily on outside validation, Needs coddled, can’t take responsibility for their actions. Has no emotional compass,” a user wrote.
A guy wrote incompatibility of core values, financial dependence and lack of individuality to be major setbacks. “Incompatible core values. Incompatibility in terms of career expectations, e.g wanting me to carry them financially while they do nothing, incompatible lifestyles such as me being lowkey and them being extremely extroverted. Prone to gossiping. Shitty sex life. No individual goals or hobbies. Shitty communicator. Bad with money. Serious mental health issues that would likely require constant addressing throughout our relationship,” he listed.
Another user explained that acting as a team is pretty important. “For example, if they vented to their friends about me behind my back (except for the small stuff of course) or if they didn’t think that what’s bad for one is also bad for the other, etc. Essentially when someone cannot or don’t want to break through the initial imaginary wall between them and their partner,” he wrote.