Men Get Brutally Honest About Why They Hit On Married Or Committed Women
I have never been happy with married men trying to hit on me, especially those who have good wives. It scares me, sometimes, watching these men go. What if the person I fall in love with and marry ends up cheating on me and without remorse? There was this guy I knew who used to pursue me quite actively. We talked a lot, danced, drank but thankfully, I never really took things forward. I did, however, feel a little bad for not being able to reciprocate this nice guy’s feelings. After a little social media stalking (how did he think I wouldn’t?), I found out he was married. It was apparently a love marriage and they often went on nice, romantic trips. Do you think his wife would have been aware of how her husband hits on other women?
Another guy I know says he married under pressure and considers cheating on his wife his “me time”. Are you fucking kidding me? If you want “me time”, go get a spa or sit on your couch with a burrito playing video games. Stop burying your face in someone’s boobs and calling it self-love. What is this nonsense? There are several men who cheat on their wives and it scares me to the core. I cannot handle being cheated on; I don’t want a subscription to Anxiety Prime!
However, while this is terrible enough, there are people who actively pursue married or committed people. I am usually a non-judgemental person but honestly, I don’t find this behaviour very saintly. Like hey, the woman may be having some trouble with her partner or her self-esteem. But don’t go around preying on her vulnerability. I understand if a man unintentionally falls for a woman who is taken. But looking for someone who is married? Why? Why? Why?
Someone on Reddit went ahead and asked this question to the men out there: Why do you hit on women who are married or committed? Like you know it’s not going anywhere, so why? Well, turns out, that’s really the point.
“Not me but a guy I knew in the Army. He said he likes married women because they don’t want attachments, just a quick bang, and then back to their husbands for financial support,” a user informed. A woman agreed, “I got hit on at conferences far more often when I wore a wedding ring. Married people will flirt more when they know it is just a “free lunch” with no attachments. I asked way too many of them why they were hitting on me and it all came down to ‘I miss the excitement but don’t want the strings attached.’ It goes both ways… Men and Women are not so different. Straight and Gay people are not so different either.” A man vouched it to be a safe bet. “Safe bet she won’t try and start a romantic relationship with you and keep it sexual,” he wrote.
Most people agree that the most common reason for them or someone they know to go for married women is that they know it will be a no-strings-attached thing. However, some people believed that it’s really not for them to decide for the woman if she’d like an affair or not. They believe they can flirt and it’s for the person who is married to decide whether they’d like to bite into the forbidden fruit. “Because it’s no stakes. She’s happy, and I’m not gonna change that. It’s a game if she’s game,” a user wrote. “Well, as a single guy who is just flirtatious naturally, I flirt with most women in some way or another. Whether or not she’s married, I wouldn’t know if they didn’t bring it up. And if they don’t, I’m not about to judge. It doesn’t mean that we’re going to rip each others clothes off right then and there. But if things did go further, that would be on her. Just like it would be on me if I decided to be receptive to women flirting while I’m married,” a guy added. Another guy summed it up saying, “Who are we to decide on her behalf that her current relationship is one she wants to stay in for life?”
On the other hand, just the fact that she is an attractive woman is enough reason for these men to flirt with her. Since, anyway, they aren’t looking for a long-term relationship, they don’t mind the non-exclusivity. “Not my fault their stupid wife is smart and pretty and nice and a goddamn spectacular conversationalist,” a guy wrote. “She is attractive and there is no further thought about it,” another guy added. Many guys also wrote they like how married women are more comfortable and “experienced” apparently when it comes to flirting in comparison with single women who seem to overthink. “Happily married women appreciate men as a concept and usually feel secure enough in their relationships to have fun with bullshit flirting. They know the signs, and they like it,” a user pointed out.
A couple of people went on to ask women who get hit on, why do they entertain it. And the answers almost came down to receiving no attention at home or being married to an asshole. “Because our husband (now ex) is an abusive, sociopathic narcissist. And although I never acted on it, being reminded that I was pretty or clever or just that a man wanted to spend even a few minutes with me would put me over the moon,” a lady said. Another woman added, “Previous marriage- because we thrive off the attention that we don’t get at home. Mic drop.”
A woman also pointed out that irrespective of the status, several men don’t care about backing off when showed disinterest. “Woman who was married for 15 years here: it’s a valid Q because some men don’t care whether their attention is wanted or appropriate or not,” she wrote.
Of course, a little flirting is okay; if the women love it then there’s no harm. If someone wants it, okay. Flirting doesn’t mean cheating, if the couple is okay with it. But stepping the line? We don’t know anyone’s story. And if a person is in a bad marriage that they can’t end, it should be their conscious, mindful decision to find love outside. It shouldn’t be because someone offered them a little affection after they have been parched for ages. That’s what I feel. It’s just not emotionally healthy.
Well, I would never hit on a committed man. A) Because I believe in Karma and B) Why should I tempt someone? It’s not like you will not get tempted, ever. It’s not like you won’t find anyone attractive or that your hormones will lose function, unless it’s your man. But you don’t have to act on it. However, someone consciously making it more difficult is just assholery.