Make Sex Better By Shunning These Thoughts In Bed
Men often complain about performance anxiety and how it affects getting and maintaining an erection. I am not dismissing that, but let’s not overlook the fact that women too feel nervous about sex and it does affect our ability to enjoy it. I mean, yeah, we don’t have a very visible proof like losing an erection. But there are other signs to watch out for—you won’t get wet enough or experience vaginismus, which is tightening of vaginal muscles, making penetration difficult.
With anxieties, we struggle with both arousal and orgasm. To top it off, self-esteem issues, a problem with consent and so much more can arise. And that’s not what sex should do. It’s supposed to be fun, and yet turns out to be painful for many. We have so many anxiety-evoking thoughts during sex because we are socially conditioned to house those kinds of fears within us.
You try to orgasm – closing your eyes and letting your mind wander to sexy thoughts – but you are unable to. You tighten your muscles, almost like you do in a roller-coaster ride when you want to enjoy it but also fear falling. It can be frustrating to get nervous in bed. Let’s not. Here are thoughts that make us anxious during sex and we need to do away with them.
Am I wild enough?
What is wild enough, even? ‘Enough is a subjective term and honestly, if we just keep measuring ourselves in the scales of the world, we will never feel content. It’s not about whether you are vanilla in bed or a kinkster. What matters is whether you and your partner are on the same page and enjoying it. Of course, it happens that with the right partner and the right frame of mind, you can up your wild quotient. But anxiety doesn’t get it done, curiosity and security do. So next time, just think about what you feel like doing and not what you should be doing to be his best sex ever.
Am I attractive naked?
We give way too much importance to bodies when it comes to sex. Yes, most of us have some sort of body image issue because there have been centuries of beauty stereotyping we are dealing with. And while it’s easier said than done, learning to love your body with all its specifications will help you feel good naked. Sex isn’t about bodies, and if that’s the kind of sex you’re having, is it even worth it? Sex is about two people connecting through touch. Nobody cares about your size or scar, what matters is the kind of touch that makes you lose your mind. Really, life is too short to spend bedtime with shallow fucks who uphold the very beauty stereotypes that gave us body image issues.
Am I doing this right?
So I find it very awkward when I am trying something for the first time. We don’t know whether we are doing it right and how it is done in the first place. You try to give him a handjob, but in your head, all you’re thinking is “Do I know how to do this?” Relax. Research. Communicate. Let him teach you how he likes it and you can teach him things you like. It’s not an exam that you have to pass in the first attempt. What matters is you keep exploring!
What if he wants to try something I am not comfortable with?
Honey, if he wants to, you say no. You do not owe it to him to give in to all his fetishes. If something feels too much too soon, say no. Just because you agreed to do it with him, it doesn’t mean you gave him an All-Area Access pass. If a man has a problem with that, he has entitlement issues and you must not even bother sexing it up with him!
Is this right?
Pre-marital sex is still frowned upon in India, and so many women feel torn between what they feel and what society tells us. Casual sex? It’s so easy to label a woman a ‘slut’ or ‘cheap’ because she enjoys sex with no strings attached. You feel like you have to hide it from the world, and all that subconsciously makes you feel you are doing something wrong. What matters is to figure whether you want it and how you truly perceive sex. Sometimes, what you thought would only be a makeout sesh becomes a sex sesh and you don’t know if you should say you don’t want it. A study says that millennials often feel pressured to have sex, especially in a relationship to ‘fit in’. It’s important to really listen to your heart. And when in doubt, just say no until you’re sure.