How To Stop Missing The Guy Who’s Not Good For You
When your heart and head is clouded by all feelings love, the visibility factor diminishes in your life. You can find it difficult to look at your situation with clarity. He is so adorable, right? Damn those amazing blurry nights when you both were high on wine and pheromones! You remember the amazing way he pulls you closer, the way he thrills you with every kiss and how he can get your heart racing with just a look. He is so tempting, indeed. But just as you get hooked on to his cologne and the feeling of his breath bouncing off your neck, you realise that he is just not into you. At least not the way you want him to be.That or maybe when the two of you come together (in more ways than one!) it always feels like a catastrophe in the making. You love the high you feel in his presence. But you also know this gives you anxiety and not peace, at least not in the long-term. But you miss him!
He may or may not be a fuckboi. Whether you are seeing him as one or choosing to empathise, one thing is clear – you both want and seek different things. Your paths are bound to diverge and there is no pain-free way to go about the parting ritual. You, however, can control yourself from falling right back into his arms because missing him hurts more.
You’re aware this isnt good for you. You know you have spent enough time being attracted to every cell in his body. And that now is the time to let go. You’ve worked hard to come this far – fighting all those urges to kiss his face each time you see him, texting him like he’s your bae and allowing his affection to play at your heartstrings. In fact, here you are trying to not want him.
Of course, you miss him, a lot. You miss the date nights, the sex and the intimacy. But you’ve not come so far to fall right back into this Bermuda triangle of feelings.
Reduce contact or make a no-contact rule
We like to live in denial, especially if accepting the truth comes with letting go of someone we are very obsessed with. We like to pretend we can be texting him, and we can move on while at it. Sure, if we were so detached and practical, we wouldn’t be head over heels someone who isn’t good for our heart health. And then you meet him, and spark fly again. There you are, back to square one. Unless, you poison those butterflies in your tummy and distance yourself from him. In fact, the dooriyaan you’re crying over into a pillow will help you see him for what he really is – a guy you really liked. That’s it. He is not your soulmate. He is not ‘the one who got away’. Chill, life goes on and the guy meant for you will not make you anxious and definitely not risk losing you.
Focus on what you need
You break your head over thinking how you could have been what he needs from his partner. But in all that, you forget to prioritise your needs. Is he offering what you need? Sure, he gives you the thrill and excitement. But does he give you that sense of security? Does he make you feel home? Do you have to think twice before asking him to do something for you or showing slight signs of attachment? If you need stability and security, focus on your needs. Know that you have the right to pursue it elsewhere and you must.
Keep yourself busy with self-love and productivity
Whether you admit it or not, a breakup can affect your self-esteem. You need your self-love to be all charged up so you don’t devalue yourself just because some bloke didn’t give you the love you deserve. Or maybe you didn’t match and your relationship just didn’t take you in the direction you picked. Either way, spend more time healing yourself and not settling for relationships you’ve outgrown. And yes, you may choose to distract yourself with drunken nights (a few are goooood!) But the high you will feel on giving yourself the attention and nurturing you need is totally different. Learn something new, work on an aspect you always wanted to, or expand your world!
Resist the urge to stalk him
Just because you’re distancing from him doesn’t mean you go on stalking him on social media. And then you get all jealous and riled up because he put up a picture with another woman. You start overthinking – is she just a friend? Is she his latest? Oh no, stop. Don’t stalk him, mute him if you must. Keeping a tab on him is not worth it. He isn’t the share market.
Meet new guys/Keep your options open
Some people will tell you to completely be off the dating field to get over someone. And then some people will say you must get under someone to get over someone. You do you. But in my experience, getting dressed and going on a date with other guys does help in not missing your ex. Go on, you deserve the thrill of being flirted with and well, orgasms if you must choose to avail them.