BaeWatch: “My Boyfriend’s Emotional Expectations Make Me Feel Like I Am Not Good Enough”
I have seen couples in which the guy is way more emotional than the woman. I have also seen pairings in which the guy barely has any f*cks to give. Either way, a huge difference between your emotional range can mess things up and make life difficult for both. The wider the gap, the more difficult it is to find balance. However, I have also noticed that when the gap is rather small, it makes for a great relationship!
If I had to choose, I would any day go for the emotional guy than the one doesn’t have any softness in his heart to offer me. I am emotional too but over a period of time and heavy introspection, I have become slightly more practical.
But honestly, if the difference isn’t very problematic and you accept the other person for who they are, things really do work out. In the end, you should ask yourself: ‘My partner has this trait that annoys me sometimes but can I still look at them with love and compassion?’ If you can, there’s no trouble in paradise.
However, it’s not all black-and-white; sometimes, the emotional one’s expectations can make the other one feel they are constantly failing at fulfilling their needs.
Which is why, when a woman wrote to us describing her issues, Team Hauterfly decided to help a sis out!
My boyfriend has a very idealistic view of love. Mostly, I appreciate how he treats me like we live in an era before fuckbois happened. But sometimes, it drives me crazy because I am more experienced and have had a reality check already. For instance, he got mad at me for something, he wanted me to pamper him and love him so he feels better but I just wanted to sleep! I tried for 20 minutes but he was cold and then I got upset because it was really such a small thing. There are these little things that he gets upset about and behaves more sentimentally than practically. I feel like I am walking on egg shells and that I don’t measure up to his expectations. How do we find a balance here?
Mansi Shah, Managing Editor: “Uh oh. Looks like you don’t want to appear vulnerable with your boyfriend. Yes, being practical is amazing and could save you a lot of heart break but perhaps allow yourself to feel a little. I am not saying you should be an emotional wreck, oh god no, but he’s probably looking for a little more affection. This could be physical or emotional affection- think small kisses, hand holding etc. Of course, if he’s still sappy and romantic and you simply have different emotional bandwidths, the relationship could fizzle out completely but I say take a stab at it. Your previous relationships might have made you cautious and he’s perhaps less jaded, but that’s okay na? I say try it out and if you are still afraid of opening up or feel like he’s draining your emotional energy, move on.”
Sama Meerza, Social Media Executive: “Okay yeah, it is sweet that he wants love and cuddles and pampering. That is almost as rare as my love life. But he really needs to calm down because even for someone like me who is extremely cheesy that’s just a bit much. He needs to understand that a relationship works both ways it can’t always be what the other partner wants. Since you are more experienced in this relationship you have to give him time and be patient with him as well. So this a slow process for sure but you have to speak to him and find a middle ground. Just like my friend says “I am training him” you should too!”
Mitali Shah, Lifestyle Writer: “I understand where you’re coming from. What you’re describing is the downside of dating a guy who is more into the relationship than you. And that of course translates into a colossal imbalance. However, I have learned that with time both of you will find common ground. But you need to have patience and a whole lot of communication, that’s the key here. Also, because you’re more experienced sometimes things he does will drive you up the wall. In times like those push through and make the extra effort but retain that practical perspective.”
Akanksha Narang, Features Head: “In rom-coms, you will find two emotional individuals, cheesy AF going through life without any issues whatsoever. But in real life, that’s a partnership that doesn’t allow you as a couple to thrive. Most successful relationships have one person who brings more emotions and one who brings more practicality. If you have that, and if you handle it well – it’s a pretty good pairing! You will have to talk to him, not invalidating his emotions but pointing out that you both are different and that it is okay. When you accept him for being more sentimental and he accepts you for how your patience is not unlimited, you both will adjust your expectations automatically.
He is optimistic about love and is affectionate; such guys make good partners! I don’t see it as a deal breaker and hopefully, with time and communication, you both will find balance in your partnership. I’d say compassion and acceptance when dealing with the disparity in your emotional bandwidth is important. You said you love his emotional side otherwise so once it subdues a little, and he picks some of your practicality too, it will just be one of those annoying yet endearing things about him. If he is understanding, he will take your occasionally ebbing patience with a pinch of salt too!”
Baewatch is Hauterfly’s weekly service to women everywhere. We are giving no-holds-barred, funny, interesting answers to your relationship problems. We’re not experts so you may end up married or broken up. It could go either way. *shrugs*