BaeWatch: “Is My Boyfriend Hiding Our Relationship On Social Media Or Am I Overthinking?”
I am someone who likes to post on social media, especially if I catch up with my loved ones. I like collecting photographic memories and my Instagram feels like a journal where I put these. While doing that, I like my followers to stay connected with what’s happening in my life. It’s like from my social media, you can tell which people matter. I do understand some people aren’t into it and prefer keeping their personal life private. However, if a romantic interest or a friend is not treating me like I am important on social media, I will get offended. Not if he generally doesn’t post anything. But if he is very much active and has no trace of me on his social media, well, that will make me feel I don’t matter.
It really depends on what social media means to you and them. Honestly, I am so done with feeling I don’t matter with some people. I am so done, having to explain my emotional needs. I just feel if I truly care for someone, I am interested in having their heart feel at rest, in fulfilling their emotional needs and making them feel special. I won’t put up a fight or not give two hoots about it.
So when someone wrote to us sharing her dukh dard about the same, team Hauterfly decided to help her out. Sure, her problem isn’t so black and white but hopefully this will help her and anyone who is wondering why their boyfriend hides them on social media.
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 8 months and while I am very open about our relationship on social media, he isn’t. It’s not like he’s secretive about it in real, he just hasn’t talked about it in the virtual world. If I put up a cute story with him, he will heart it but not share it. When we go out, he doesn’t share our pics on his Instagram stories (but he will nicely share pics of him with his friends!). In fact, when I post pictures of us, he likes them but doesn’t comment. I am not even on his social feed yet. Sure, I understand that not everyone need social media validation but it feels like he’s keep his options open and it annoys me. I would really prefer he wasn’t so discreet and disrespectful of our relationship online. I know social media isn’t everything but is this behaviour okay?
“If he dodges the topic, it’s time to sit him down and have a serious chat.”
Mansi Shah, Managing Editor: “Wow, that’s tricky. In today’s times, is it really a relationship if you’ve not announced it with several cutesy emojis on social media? Right? But then also, maybe he’s not the kind to shout about his love from the rooftops. Maybe he likes keeping this relationships on the down low. That being said, maybe he’s not really active on social media, I know plenty of people like that. If he logs in once in a while and only shares a couple of things before he is off again, then maybe it’s not that he doesn’t care about you, just that he possibly sees it as frivolous. Maybe he has family there and he doesn’t want them to know. On the other hand, if he’s constantly on his phone, clicking pictures and uploading them but won’t put up a picture with you, that smelly fishy. Ask him directly why he won’t put up a picture with you. Or why he’s so uncomfortable with people knowing he’s in a relationship. His answer should tell you a lot about how he views it. But if he dodges the topic, it’s time to sit him down and have a serious chat.”
“He is probably just being dumb.”
Mitali Shah, Lifestyle Writer: “As long as you feel secure in the relationship, whether he posts about it or not doesn’t matter. People today seem to believe that if something isn’t on Instagram, it didn’t happen. But that’s not true. Just because you’re more active on the platforms doesn’t mean he has to be as well. The question here is not why isn’t posting about it you, it’s are you happy and secure with him. Figure that out. Social media validation is not as important as everyone has made it out to be. So yeah, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Having said that, it would make me insecure too if he is posting with everyone else except me. Maybe he’s not seeing things from that perspective. But just because he does this, doesn’t mean he is keeping his options open, he is probably just being dumb!”
“Since you are making your relationship quite public, you expect the same from him.”
Anjali Agarwal, Fashion & Beauty Writer: “I get why it’s rubbing you in the wrong way. Since you are making your relationship quite public, you expect the same from him and seems like he is not ready to do that yet. I doubt that it’s because he is keeping his options open, though. Does he post about other major life updates and all the important people in his life? If yes, then you could straight up ask him what’s stopping him from doing the same for you and your relationship if it’s bothering you. A little heads up, making it official online with posts and stories isn’t what a lot of people are into. And that’s okay. If his close friends and people in his circle know you two are together, it is better than any social media validation, TBH.”
ALSO READ: BaeWatch: “My Boyfriend Has Become Way Too Selfish. Where Is This Going?”
“Not being on the same page hurts.”
Akanksha Narang, Features Head: “I really want to respond to this with compassion and kindness. Honestly, if he is not quite active on social media and doesn’t put pics, it is still understandable that he doesn’t show you off on his Instagram. There are people who like to keep things private. But if he is going ahead and sharing pics of his friends on social media and leaving you out, it is very natural for you to feel annoyed. You should point this out and ask him why he is doing that. Social media validation is not everything. But if he is handing it out to people left, right and center, he could give some of that to you. There are several thoughts in your head, none of them pleasant. Whether he is being dumb about it or being shady, this isn’t a phenomenon that should continue happening. You can tell him how you feel and let him do his share of making the other person feel special. Of course, if he still refuses to do anything about it or gives unconvincing answers, I’d say take a step back. Never give anyone the kind of treatment they will not give you. Not being on the same page hurts. Meanwhile, you can observe his behaviour better to see if he gives you the respect and treatment you deserve. Self-preservation is good.”
Baewatch is Hauterfly’s weekly service to women everywhere. We are giving no-holds-barred, funny, interesting answers to your relationship problems. We’re not experts so you may end up married or broken up. It could go either way. *shrugs*
