BaeWatch: “I Like My Boyfriend But Did I Say Yes Too Soon?”
The last time I actually crushed on someone was probably back in college when I was young and naïve. Going by the number of places that ache in my body, I am definitely old, and yet, I am still naive. However, if ageing means I have become wiser then so be it. I no longer have crushes. In fact, you know what turns me on? A guy showing enough investment, and commitment! Because guess what’s attractive? Healing is. Knowing that a guy is emotionally intelligent, can introspect, and heal from the past is attractive. That definitely makes him a good partner material. Most likely, I would say yes to him unless I get distracted by a commitment-phobe’s abs! However, it often happens that one person is more invested in the other, at the start.
Usually, with me, it’s the other person because I take my time. I am an emotional and sensitive person who loves freely. I am also a person who will do something only if she likes it. My mark sheets used to look like they belonged to two different individuals. I would top in the subjects I liked, fared decently in those that I mildly disliked, and struggled to pass in Marathi, because I just couldn’t understand it. I love studying, even in college, but it had to be a subject of my interest. I have joined a gym and never gone but when I sign up for a dance class, I never miss any, even if I am sick. So going by that, I know I will never be able to keep up with a relationship I am half-heartedly in.
Sometimes, it’s a matter of time; sometimes, it’s about connection. You need to see what is missing and what you need more of. But should you dive into a relationship even if it feels too much too soon? It really depends. Nothing’s black and white with human emotions and relationships.
So when a woman wrote to us asking us for advice regarding a similar situation, team Hauterfly decided to help her out.
“I had been speaking to a guy, going out on dates, etc. Recently, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. It seemed like the right thing to do. However, sometimes, I feel maybe I am not there yet. For instance, if we don’t meet a particular weekend, he misses me and I do too, but not like the world will come crashing down. He prioritises me but I am just not used to having a partner. I mean, it should come naturally, right? Maybe he likes me more than I like him or I just needed more time before we could jump into a relationship. It’s not like he is a bad boyfriend or that I don’t like him. Am I just having cold feet? What should I do?”
Mansi Shah, Managing Editor: “Hello there fellow commitment-phobe. I understand that a new relationship is scary. And this might be your inner self-preservation mechanism kicking in, you’ve been hurt before and now you don’t want to sink into anything till you’re sure it won’t hurt. Unfortunately, love doesn’t come with a built-in insurance clause. If you’re feeling the feelings, allow yourself to fully embrace them. It’s okay if you like him too much. Silent that voice that constantly asking you to hold back. What’s love if not a little scary? A word of caution though, if you have been trying to feel it but you’ve more connections with your handbag, then think about why you’re with him in the first place. Are you lonely and just looking for a comforting shoulder? A cold, hard introspection might throw up some answers. Chemistry is natural but relationships take work, if you really feel the spark with him, stick around, you might just find someone who you miss a whole lot over a weekend.”
Sadhika Sehgal, Trending Head: “I personally feel, a relationship right from the start requires a lot of constant work and commitment. But what doesn’t, is connection. If you feel there is a lack of connection, a lack of spark or maybe you don’t feel too strongly enough for him, then the wiser thing would be to talk about it. Maybe there is a reason you’re holding back, either way, address your feelings about it. What I’ve learnt is that it is best not to force an idea, because if you’ve to force yourself to say yes, it’s not love. Let it come naturally to you, and if you feel it isn’t, it’s time to move on.”
Mitali Shah, Lifestyle Writer: “Everyone feels slightly out of place in a brand new relationship. If you like him as much as you do, give it some time and I am sure you will be as invested in the relationship as he is. Sometimes, it does come naturally but sometimes you just need a little push. Spend as much time with him as possible and put in efforts. Don’t take any hasty decisions because these actually just might be cold feet. Transitioning from not having a partner for a while and then having one is not always as smooth as they show in movies. However, if after maybe a month or two you still feel the same, you should talk to him. It’s not fair to string him along if you aren’t in the relationship as much as he is. But overall, it’ll be okay!”
Sama Meerza, Social Media Executive: “You must have definitely jumped into this relationship a little too fast. And it’s sweet that he likes/loves and cares for you so much, but tell him that you are not there yet and to take things slow because I know that it might be really scary for you and eventually the relationship will come to an end on a bad note. If you have been single for too long then it will take time for you to revisit that part and get comfortable in it and I think that is absolutely okay. Just let him know you might not be ready to give your 100% to this relationship even though you had decided to say yes. But you are willing to try. Go out on dates, watch movies together get to know each other and an emotional level, and then see what happens. Maybe this will be an amazing relationship or maybe you guys will hug it out and walk separate ways. You never know!”
ALSO READ: BaeWatch: “He Is Nice But We Lack Sexual Chemistry. Is It A Dealbreaker?
Akanksha Narang, Features Head: “It happens often that one person gets more invested in the relationship, but it doesn’t mean the other person won’t catch up. I have been in a similar situation when the guy was ready for a relationship before I was. But that’s because he wasn’t as emotionally damaged as I was and trusted more easily. However, all throughout, I could tell that I wanted this. And he waited, till I was at the emotional point where nobody else except him would do. None of you are running away so why hurry? If you feel you share the connection and it’s just a matter of time, ask him if he can be patient until you reach there. Otherwise, you will not measure upto his expectations and your fear will overpower your feelings; none of these is healthy. If he loves you so much, he will give you the time and space to start loving him the way he does. Until then, you both can continue enjoying dates and come closer, organically!”
Baewatch is Hauterfly’s weekly service to women everywhere. We are giving no-holds-barred, funny, interesting answers to your relationship problems. We’re not experts so you may end up married or broken up. It could go either way. *shrugs*
