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#AskHauterfly: Is It Normal For My Boyfriend To Be Too Curious About my Past?

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We’ve all dated a guy who was so enthusiastic about you, that he wished there was a news channel only about you. You know now that he must be a little delusional. However, if your boyfriend shows a keen interest in your past dating life, this could be, well, interesting. At first, you hesitatingly divulge a few details but he seems extremely keen on knowing what went on in your life before he came along. You wonder if you are being interrogated or if he’s just curious. He tells you that honesty is important and there shouldn’t be any secrets between a couple. This leaves you even more perplexed. Which brings us to the million dollar question: how much curiosity is too much curiosity? Let’s find out.

Does he need to know your sexual history?

While curiosity about knowing you-your likes and dislikes- can be positive, being over inquisitive about your sexual history is a red flag. It’s okay to ask your preferred sex position or if you like oral sex, but wanting to know the number of times you’ve done it and with who is a major red flag. Maybe he is trying to judge if you are ‘chaste’ or ‘easy’. Maybe he wants to make sure none of the guys you slept with exist in your perimeter. Either ways, your boyfriend is acting like an ass, and he needs to know that in clear terms.

Can he *demand* information?

We are just going to put it out there in no uncertain terms. He cannot demand any information from you. If you feel like telling him about your dating history, go ahead. Whether you’re a virgin (or not) and anything else that you want to share with him.  There’s nothing wrong in doing that. If he demands to know, then show him the door.  If he feels like he has such ownership of you, then this behaviour is bound to reflect in so many other things.

Where to draw the line

We all have some baggage that we carry from past heartbreaks. If we were cheated on, we need double assurance to trust someone new, at least in the start. The need for security is inherent in us, and to trust you maybe he needs to know who you are as a person. Your past relationships can reflect your personality and perspective in love. However, after that initial conversation if this kind of behaviour persists, it will only make for unpleasant conversations and an ever-growing insecurity. Draw the line and tell him you’re over your past relationships, good or bad. There’s no point in discussing bygones and leave it at that.

Is he over-inquisitive about everything in your life?

Well, ideally, your boyfriend should be curious about you. It only means he is interested in knowing you better. But too much curiosity kills the cat, or in this case, your relationship. If he is hovering over you like a hawk, you will feel suffocated inevitably and that can’t be good.

At the end, you need to discuss and figure if this is fixable or not. If he is being super curious at the start, explain how it can negatively affect your relationship. A good guy will understand. Else, you’ll know what to do.

 

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