7 Reasons It’s Important To Know About His Past Relationships Before You Commit To Him
Often, women are so afraid of asking their potential partners about their past. We think we’ll come off too strong or he will think we’re too possessive, especially in the early stages. Sometimes, we refrain from asking because we don’t want to feel insecure and allow jealousy to penetrate into our relationships. But you don’t have to ask how she looked or ask him to choose who is hotter. Don’t ask him how she was in bed or if his family knew her. Those things will only bother you. But it’s important you know about his past relationships because it describes his outlook towards life. We don’t completely change and a lot of it is relevant to today as well. It will only help you understand him better and gauge whether this relationship can last. Here’s why it’s important for you to know about his past relationships.
1) Is this his first serious relationship?
You know how when we apply for a job, they ask how much experience we have? They are saying they don’t have the energy to train a fresher. It’s the same for me in relationships. I want someone who has learned the lessons breakups teach us. Also, when someone is dating for the first time, they have unrealistic, idealistic expectations from it, which wouldn’t match with mine having had my first at 16. At the same time, if they have had several flings but nothing serious, they may have commitment issues.
2) Whether he puts effort into resolving problems
We can tell so much from the way a person describes his breakups. You can gauge if he gives up easy or if his girlfriends had issues such as lack of attention and affection, from him. In fact, whatever the reason is, if he didn’t put the effort into trying to make it work then, chances are it won’t be quite different with you. Also, how did he handle the breakup? Did they have an abusive fight? Did his ego get hurt after being rejected? The last thing you want is a man whose ego is super fragile.
3) Does he go around calling his exes psychotic?
I am one of those people who believes in sisterhood. We all know how these guys get so defensive when all you’re trying to do is communicate. They make it sound as if you’re the crazy one if you call out his douchebaggery. So if he comes to me calling his ex psychotic or slut-shaming her for moving on quickly, I’d see that as a major red flag. I don’t want to be his next crazy ex.
4) What his deal breakers are
We all have our deal breakers. These aren’t little hiccups but things you cannot compromise on. Like I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t respect me and doesn’t want to spend Sundays cuddling with me in bed. So if he knows he needs to be okay with Sunday being a cuddle-fest, then it’s good to go and much better better than discovering it later on.
5) What his relationship style is
Was he a possessive boyfriend in the past? Was he clingy? I would like to know what his relationship style is before wasting months in it only to find that it doesn’t match mine. If his relationship style is cheesy like Ranveer Singh’s, I am all up for it. But if he’s going to be straight-faced like Ranbir Kapoor throughout the relationship, then I’ll be doing what Deepika Padukone did. You see, it just saves time.
6) Has he cheated or been cheated on?
It’s important for two people to be on the same page on the idea of fidelity. For instance, an ex of mine acted as if I cheated on him because I sent a picture of my cat to the guy I dated before him. If he has cheated in the past, it’s not necessary that he will cheat again but it’s definitely worth having a dialogue about. Also, if he has been cheated on, you can expect him to not trust easy. It’s just better to know what you’re getting into and maybe if you’re willing, work on getting rid of that baggage.
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7) Are there any unsorted attachments?
If he is still hung up on her, it just means that you’re a rebound and falling into a web of complications that you’d rather steer clear of. It’s not worth investing in someone who doesn’t know where he is. If he’s a catch, then give him time to clean that mess and then mingle with you. It would be the worst if he wakes up six months later to tell you he still likes her. That would suck. Also if they are still friends, you oughta know.