5 Ways You Can Heal Yourself After Being In A Relationship With A Self-Centered Guy
The thing about narcissist men is that right off the bat, you will not know that they are full of themselves. A typical trait of such men is that they will lure you into a relationship by showering you with attention. They will chase you, pamper you and give you so much love at the beginning, it will fool you into believing that this is how it will be forever. Except that’s nothing but a cloud blurring your vision.
I was dating a guy like that and let me tell you, he chased me for one entire year before I said yes. He was like a dream come true. He cared for me, ran errands with me and treated me like the most beautiful person in the world. Of course, things escalated quickly and I trusted him to take care of my heart; his love was so selfless after all or so I thought. Very soon, I had met his family and he had met mine. It’s not like we were getting hitched anytime soon but we were open about our relationship, looking at it as something that would last forever.
Six months later, things started going downhill and he wanted me to tolerate his mood swings and tantrums. Why? Because he was going through tough times. But when one thing got sorted, another problem rose in his life. He treated minor inconveniences like hectic work schedules, train travelling (he was quite a princess!) and common cold reasons enough to mistreat me. And he expected me to understand…and continue to understand. I did for one and half years, until I couldn’t take it anymore.
The thing is that I always felt like he was the only person in the relationship. It was all about him – what he wants to do, how he feels, his needs, etc. Nobody cared about me and even after all that understanding I gave, he claimed I was not being understanding. When we broke up, people thought I gave up on a great guy because I had never shared my ordeal with anyone. I had only told them of the time he treated me like a princess in the start.
I realised that I was in a relationship with a narcissist – a guy whose entire world revolves around himself. And recovering from such a relationship isn’t easy because it breaks you and your self-esteem. But I did recover and I am sharing how, so it reaches you in time if you need it.
1) Be ready to be begged to stay
Narcissist men hate to see their audience/server walk away. Who will fan their ego? Who will give them what they oh-so-selfishly need? They cannot stand to lose anything. So when finally you put your foot down and bid them adieu, they start chasing you like they did in the start. At this point, it’s very tempting to stay because they will promise you the world. But the moment they have you back in their arms, you will be treated like trash again. Unless you have Stockholm syndrome, I don’t see why you’d want to stay.
2) Block him out completely
When you were in a relationship with the narcissist, did you feel drained? These men are energy vampires and suck away your motivation to do anything in life, except feed their ego. It’s tiring to constantly be let down and given nothing in return. Unconditional love is bullshit, especially if it’s one-sided. They were a toxic element in your life and you don’t need a shred of their existence around you. Block them on social media, on phone and everywhere. Wipe their texts, never look at their pictures and free yourself from the chains of despair. If you don’t, they will continue to cause you PTSD.
3) Learn to do things for yourself again
When I was dating this highly self-centered guy, we did everything for him. We literally never went to movies or restaurants of my choice, unless I put up a fight. I was constantly adjusting my schedules for him and I felt like I am losing myself. Thankfully, I broke up before further damage. But during that period I forgot to doing things for myself but I relearnt. Even if it is something as tiny as getting a mani done or taking up a dance class you always wanted.
4) Know that he has been gaslighting you all along
All this while, he made you feel like you’re not worthy of the love and attention that you want. He made you feel like he is always right and you’re always wrong. He pointed out your flaws every chance he got. Know that he has been gaslighting you, making you believe that everything is your fault. You’re loving, nice and worth so much more. Don’t let a narcissist tell you otherwise.
5) Don’t get bitter towards relationships
It’s important that you disengage from romance to heal but it doesn’t mean you give up on relationships. Yes, this one got ugly and drained you. But a real relationship isn’t supposed to be that way and you will find a man who will show what true love means. You will feel valued, cared for and loved. It will all happen; just believe.