5 Ways Saying ‘I Am Not Like Other Women’ Could Be Damaging Your Dating Life
For the longest time, women have been pitted against each other while boys are out there being bros. But don’t you know the concept of ‘divide and rule’? It’s so prevalent everywhere. Mothers blame their daughter-in-laws for brainwashing their sons if he does something wrong. Your man strays and people conveniently blame the mistress, as if he’s a five-year-old who got tricked into it. Women try hard to be liked by men instead of telling them to snap out of their unrealistic expectations. We adhere to a skewed definition of femininity that men uphold – for what? To be liked better? Some of us go on to say, ‘hey, I am not like other women’. Who are these ‘other women’ and why don’t you want to be like them?
Recently, I stumbled upon a post (check it out here!) on Instagram and it moved me. I have always found this statement wrong on so many levels and someone finally said it. So I am really glad. The page spoke about how it is so wrong to say that and we don’t even realise it. In fact, there are several ways that it can actually damage your relationship. Here’s how.
You’re seeking his approval
We’ve seen the obvious ways in which our society is heavily patriarchal and men strut around feeling entitled. But do you know how indirectly you contribute to this patriarchy? By adjusting yourself while seeking male approval. When someone says they aren’t like other women, they don’t mean ‘Oh I don’t like waxing like most women do.’ What they mean is ‘I can be a bro because I like video games and beer.’ Women almost take pride for being “one of the boys”. I mean, that way, you’re just trying to blend in, seeking his approval while disconnecting yourself from your innate qualities. And in any relationship, if your identity lies in the approval of your partner, it’s never healthy!
You’re making this easier for him but tougher for yourself
The thing is, most women ask for love, attention and a little pampering once in a while. We love it when our man treats us like a queen, comes with us to run errands and go for pancakes after a great night. So when you say you’re not like “other women” you’re basically relieving him from these expectations. It makes him feel he doesn’t need to emotionally-invested enough and you’re just settling for that. Deep down, are you not like “other women”? Don’t we all need these things?
You’re implying that other women aren’t cool
When you try to make yourself stand out from a group, you only mean to say you’re better than them. So you’re assigning all the positive qualities of being intelligent, cool and sporty to yourself but taking it away from women in general. Why must we put other women down? All women are unique in their own way – only if you got to know them better and not only to try to stand out.
You’re encouraging sexism
By dissociating women from all the positive qualities you’re associating yourself with, you’re re-enforcing gender stereotypes. It’s not like all women go around gossiping or sipping cocktails while the men chug down beers. It’s not like women don’t play sports and aren’t adventurous. We don’t always dress in pretty pink dresses. Androgynous clothing has been a major trend! And if you’re encouraging your man to say that, you’re also agreeing to the sexism that’s so deeply-rooted in our country!
ALSO READ: In Bhopal, The Gujarati Community Passed A Rule That Stops Women From Dancing At Weddings. What Rubbish Is This?
You’re isolating yourself from your tribe and losing support
What are we without the support of other women? We need to stand by each other through thick and thin. You can claim that you like to be one of the boys but when you really need a friend through a rough phase, it will be your mother or sister or a girlfriend. Don’t lose your tribe by disconnecting yourself from them. We are stronger when we stand together!
