5 Signs You’re Dating An Emotionally Intelligent Man
What is emotional intelligence? Psychology Today defines it as “a type of intelligence that is defined as an ability to monitor and regulate one’s own and others’ emotions and to use emotions to facilitate one’s thoughts and actions.” Neal Burton M.D wrote in PT, “Unlike mere perceptions, emotions do more than merely represent the world. They also reflect our values, and if our values are distorted, so are our emotions, leading us to feel and act against our best or long-term interests. Indeed, a single stray emotion can lay waste to the best laid plans of half a lifetime.”
We invest so much in our studies, learning, literary knowledge, and all that. Everybody respects a highly intelligent person who has achieved much in the fields of education. If you belong to the STEM industry, oh boy, you’re a gem! You have it all. You know how Sheldon has so much knowledge of science but when it comes to emotional intelligence, a child could fare much better than him. Of course, he is blessed to have found Amy. If anything, The Big Bang Theory shows how important emotional intelligence is. I mean, if you and your partner are doing all right then great. But if you are someone with high emotional needs, someone whose EQ is high, being with a person stunted in this sphere can be turbulent.
An emotionally intelligent boyfriend can make life easier. Does yours score well in EQ? Here are 5 signs his intelligence extends to his emotions too.
1) Apologising isn’t a biggie for him
Nobody intentionally does wrong things in a relationship unless they are pure evil. In a fight, he has obviously perceived his actions to be correct in that moment. He didn’t realise he would be hurting you. But when you explain it to him, he is emotionally intelligent to understand your perspective. He understands you and empathises with you. And then delivers an apology as well as a solution.
2) He is open to feedback and criticism
A guy who is not emotionally intelligent will just start blaming you or dissing you when you even remotely criticise him. Of course, it has a lot to do with his ego and all that. But if he is smart heart-wise too, he will know that your feedback is just so your relationship can be better. He will not get defensive and start gaslighting you. If he disagrees, he disagrees but he doesn’t respond with rage. He responds with reasoning.
3) He doesn’t avoid difficult conversation
Nobody likes a confrontational session. Or having to bare your innermost feelings. It’s healthy but it’s difficult. However, an emotionally intelligent guy has no qualms over going through that difficult conversation with you, honestly and openly. He will speak with utmost honesty and listen to you without invalidating your feelings.
4) He regulates his feelings and doesn’t react impulsively
“It can be difficult to put a name on an emotion or emotional experience, let alone to fully understand it. First, there are far more emotions than have been named in language. Second, emotions are often blended with other emotions or dominated by some other mental state—for instance, fear is often dominated by the desire or impulse to escape, and only fully felt, if at all, retrospectively. And third, certain emotions are simply too painful or unacceptable to dwell upon, not least because doing so could give rise to even more complicated or difficult emotions,” Burton wrote in PT.
He may not always succeed in handling the difficult emotions but he tries. Well, he succeeds in regulating his feelings because he is aware that those need to be handled and not let run wild and free. For instance, if he is jealous of a male friend of yours, he tries to dismiss that feeling because he knows you would not cheat on him. He knows he doesn’t have a reason to be jealous especially if you are well within the boundaries you’ve both agreed upon.
5) He is in tune with your emotional needs
Sometimes, your emotional needs may not match. But he understands what you need emotionally. Do you like to be held after a long hard day? When you’re mad at him, do you just want him to hug you or give you space? How often do you want to meet/talk/cuddle? He is in tune with what you need from him emotionally and mostly, he delivers! That’s an emotionally intelligent man!