5 Signs You Are In A Band-Aid Relationship
There’s a lot of shame attached to loneliness. Nobody likes to admit they are lonely; we are all playing it cool by claiming to love the solitary existence. “Oh, I love being single,” a guy will claim while acting exactly in a way that a lonely soul seeking affection would. They will seek connection, want someone to talk to, desire cuddles and hugs more than sex and yet, they will never admit to being lonely. Self-awareness is important because if you are not aware of what you want, you will end up in a relationship or a situation you don’t want! If you’re just lonely and entering a Band-Aid relationship with full knowledge, great! But if you are getting into one thinking this is the real shit and over-committing to it, things are about to get complicated. A band-aid relationship is a lukewarm relationship; you’re in it just because you don’t want to be single or out of habit.
If you ask me, it all comes down to us being in denial about feeling lonely. Modern families are barely as close-knit as they used to be; everyone’s busy in their own lives. On top of it, most Indian millennials don’t relate enough with their parents and even if there’s love, there isn’t enough scope of meaningful conversations. Meanwhile, our friends get busy, some go away to different cities, a few get busy with their love lives, and a few are left who are never able to materialize the long-impending Goa plan.
Our lives can get quite lonely and having a partner may seem like the ideal solution. You feel tired of romances not graduating into relationships. So you settle for someone who offers you commitment and gives a push to your stagnant ship. Eventually, these lukewarm or band-aid relationships would die an uninteresting death while leaving you feeling lonelier and emptier. Instead, it’s better to accept how you feel, what your motivations are for being in a relationship, and see it for what it is.
It’s not about whether you should do it or not. Ideally, it’s not the best kind of relationship to be in. But it’s about knowing what you’re getting into. Is that how you could describe your relationship? Here are 5 signs you are in a band-aid relationship.
You’re in a relationship but feel pretty single
You got into a relationship because you didn’t want to be single (it’s okay, I won’t tell!) but here you are feeling more single than before. You can’t really connect romantically with him, you prefer being your own person and he too is more immersed in his life than he is in your relationship. When did being committed get so lonely? Because you are barely committed; your half-hearted approach to this relationship is making you behave like a single gal as you avail your boyfriend’s services only when absolutely necessary.
If you won an all-expense-paid trip, you’d take him…if no one else was available
He is supposed to be your go-to person but he’s become your go-without person. Is he the first one to hear about anything good that happens? Or anything bad that happens? Or anything at all? Do your colleagues know more about you than your boyfriend? You’re in a band-aid relationship if he’s not someone you’d want over others. If you have to plan a night out or a trip, you’d like to go with your friends, because you can truly have fun. Going with him is always plan B.
You don’t care about each other’s social circles
Subconsciously, you know this is a temporary fix. You know this won’t last. So why should you mix each other’s social circles? Plus, if you are so disinterested in him, being interested in his entourage is far-fetched. That’s what a band-aid relationship looks like.
Your dates feel like an obligation
When you entered the relationship, you both were super elated about having found someone. But as time progressed you realised that commitment-philia doesn’t sustain a relationship. You love that he doesn’t fear intimacy, but you don’t even want it from him. Going out on maintenance dates feels like a chore and you start resenting spending time with him. You’d rather be home with your cats.
When someone asks you about him, you say, “He’s nice”
If you really like someone, you should be able to describe them with more enthusiasm. So when your friends ask you excitedly about your boyfriend, you give a very blah response. Something on the lines of, “He’s nice!” or “Oh, he’s an investment banker.” If your enthusiasm for him is just slightly more than your willingness to watch paint dry, it’s definitely a band-aid relationship.