5 Signs Casual Sex Isn’t For You Because You Catch All The Feelings
When someone asked me in pre-pandemic times (oh, it’s been so long!) why I am not sexing it up and having casual sex, I said I am not cut out for it. I think after navigating through the anxieties of the casual and detached dating world, I figured I don’t want it. For me, casual sex is like a kamikaze shot that feels just like lemon juice and after investing so much in it, you begin to really question your life choices. I like my romances to be like jägerbombs – strong and layered.
Don’t get me wrong, given the right circumstances, I can be perfectly content with some casual action sans all those love strings. It’s just that those “right circumstances” don’t come along often and must not last long enough, or I could be developing feelings. That or losing interest due to the stagnant nature of these romances (if you can call it that). Also, I have like really high standards, and most Indian men who think casual sex is equal to treating a woman like a paid hoe will never make it to my bed. Never. Ever.
So don’t get me wrong but as fun, as casual sex seems, let’s be honest that it isn’t for every one of us. Some of us are terrible overthinkers and mixing your feelings with no strings attached setup feels like those terrible food combos netizens have been whipping up in the lockdown. Like thanks but I don’t want my head to feel like a messed up combo of Nutella biryani. That’s just blasphemy. Are you a smooth sailor of casual-ship? Or do you sink like the grand Titanic? Here are signs, unfortunately, casual sex isn’t for you – unless you put an effort to detach yourself.
You need real intimacy for the sex to be good
For some of us, physical stimulation is enough for arousal. Then there are those who require much more from sex. We need cuddles, warmest hugs, playful conversations while lying down in bed, meaningful eye-contact, and all of this preceded by real dates. Without all these things, just sex feels mechanical to you and doesn’t arouse you enough for you to unleash your seductress side. Unfortunately, casual hookups don’t include these beautiful things in the package and you either have to find one that does or give up on it.
You want to keep it exclusive
You cannot handle picturing him hooking up with anyone else. Just the thought makes your heart sink into a black hole and makes you want to never imagine that again. On the other hand, you don’t find any inclination towards flirting with other men. Oh boy, are you heading towards wanting things to be exclusive? Because casual sex doesn’t come with guarantees or loyalties. At least not on paper. Sometimes, it does happen that we find ourselves being with each other exclusively but it isn’t a rule, it’s an exception.
You find yourself wanting a relationship-y experience
Do you find yourself acting like a girlfriend? It could be that he is acting like a boyfriend too. This isn’t gender-based. Either way, if you seek a relationship-y experience, then chances are you’re actually mentally ready for one. Maybe you too are afraid to commit. But your heart acts out without consulting with you first and you begin to feel he is your person. You want to be a part of his life, you care for him and you want to spend non-sexual time with him. Whether he wants it too or not doesn’t change the fact that this is casual. Protect your heart while you can.
You get attached easily
When you’re kissing him all over his face, do you feel butterflies in your stomach? When he hugs you tight, do you hear Christina Perri singing, “You put your arms around me and I’m home” in your head? When you sleep next to him, does it feel like you are the safest there? You are the kind that gets attached. Lust and love stimulate the same part of the brain and it is possible for those things to overlap. You don’t have to be in love with him. You could be loving him. But then again, that too messes up things if not handled properly. Remind yourself this is casual. And if you can’t, run!
Uncertainties give you anxiety
Life is full of uncertainties; nobody has seen the future. But your mind overthinks everything. You hate it when you don’t know when he will wake up one day and tell you, ‘dude, this ain’t working.’ You don’t want to wake up one day and get a text from him saying ‘I kissed her last night’. You don’t want him to be loving you with the best kisses in the world one day and reply to you in monosyllables the next. You don’t want him to make you feel like you matter to him, even though you’re not dating and then panic about being even remotely answerable to you. These uncertainties are hurtful and honestly, are libido-killers and takes you back to point one!