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5 Reasons Why Sex In Real Life Is Nothing Like The Movies

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Sex. We all do it. We all are born as a result of this one act. Yet, we don’t talk about it enough. In fact, most of our knowledge comes from movies – porn or otherwise. Nobody teaches anything important or significant about it. Nobody tells us now awkward, weird, fumbly it is. We wish we got these lessons in school, instead of algebra we’re never going to use in real life. And what we learned about sex from the movies is nothing like a real life experience. Yes, this does call for an overhaul of the entire system, but let’s save that for another date and talk about why sex in IRL is dramatically different from sex in movies.

 

It’s A Logistical Nightmare

In the movies, they will have you believe that everything is shaved, clean and sexy. The lighting is perfect and flattering, you’ve access to a bed and all that. In real life, you often ending up having to think of places to have sex, hope that one pair of parents will travel on the weekend, you’ve to figure out how the person will sneak in without the neighbours knowing etc.etc.  You get the drift.

That Sex Can Be Messy

In the movies, the actor and actress are heaving, gasping sexily, looking all toned. Nobody smells weird, there’s no awkward pauses. In real life, there are bodily fluids like sweat, spit and other juices. There are funny noises like umm… farts. That’s right. Farting during sex is totally normal. Nobody told you that?

That Expectations Can Be Unrealistic

Movies will lead you to believe that as a woman, all you’ve got to do is drop your clothes. And then, just stand there. IRL, that’s really far away from the truth. Here’s a heads up, guys don’t walk around with a hard-on: No. They need to be titillated, and turned on, too.

That Everyone Has White Bedsheets

First of all, white bedsheets are a nightmare to work with in a real, functioning household. In the movies, those are the only sheets they have. In real life, the floral blue bedsheets are going to be on the bed and we just have to deal.

That You’ll Know What To Do

In the movies, the men and the women always know how to turn the other person on. Where to touch them, whether they prefer gentle foreplay or rough. Real life on the other hand, comes with a bunch of surprises. Does he like me on top? Him on top? Sideways? Touch him now? It’s tricky!

 

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Mansi Shah is the resident humour writer and random conversation starter. Tends to laugh manically at puns. Deeply enjoys the blunt force of sarcasm. Preys on chauvinists and people with incorrect grammar. Hoards makeup and beauty products. Attacks Nutella with vigour.

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