5 Reasons We Need To Stop Falling For Broken Men That Need Fixing
If I had a penny for every woman who tends to attract broken men, I will be rich enough to own a plane and then some. However, why will I get a penny for it, and even if I own a jet, I ain’t goin’ anywhere. Anyway, let’s defy logic the way we do when we scan the room and fall for the most damaged boy there is. It’s almost like instinctively we know who they are.
The thing about these men is that they often seem charming and all with their vulnerability and expressive eyes. They seem to activate our superhero nurturer side and make us want to fix every problem they have. Yes, these men need fixing but you’re not the one responsible for it, as much as you want to be. Eventually, you realise the hard way. You end up getting hurt yourself and ironically require more healing than he did!
At that point, you swear you won’t let yourself fall for someone like that again. But we know that’s easier said than done. In fact, when you meet someone who has his shit together, you don’t feel enough passion because he is not your type. And what is your type? A broken, vulnerable, damaged guy who will end up breaking you too. Why do you think Rhonda chose a commitment-phobic Sharron over ready to give it all David in Too Hot To Handle? David was literally that one guy who didn’t act asshole-y in the entire show and exhibited prolific emotional growth and sensitivity. And he was the guy who got friend-zoned by the women he was interested in.
If you find yourself attracting dysfunctional relationships with men who have great potential of being great partners but aren’t yet, don’t lose heart. Stop being a martyr and start caring for yourself. And it’s possible, with discipline and breaking your dating patterns. However, first, you must understand why trying to fix men is a futile project you shouldn’t try to take up.
You can’t convince someone to change if they don’t want to
The desire to change comes from within. Any change that is forced from an external entity will most likely not happen. Even if it does, it won’t last. You can’t change him if he doesn’t think he needs to. He may pretend to be what you want him to be because he doesn’t want to lose you.
If you feel validation in fixing others, you need to fix that
Often when we seek someone to fix, it’s likely that the void is in ourselves. You could be having Savior Complex which makes a person feel the need to “save” others to feel whole themselves. We need to check our tendency to want to feel good about ourselves by being nurturers and self-sacrificing. Ask yourself why you get attracted to dysfunctional men and then when you find one, run in the opposite direction.
You can’t save someone truly, they have to do it themselves
I am not saying you should abandon a person the moment you see the damage. All of us are a little messed up and that’s okay. Some people, however, need major self-improvement and that’s okay too as long as they are willing to do it, voluntarily. Not because they are afraid to lose you. And you can’t spoon feed healing to them. They have to do it themselves. All you can do is provide support and strength.
They may either resent you or become too dependent on you
A vulnerable man can have one of these two responses to change – he can either resent you or become too needy. In the former case, he will resent you for causing him the discomfort of having to go through a transition. He will resist the change and feel rebellious. Or he can accept that he needs fixing and become too dependent on you for it. Creating such co-dependency will do more harm than good.
ALSO READ: I Tried Dating Apps And Realised They Are Full Of Commitment Phobic And Emotionally Damaged Men
Either way, your relationship can get toxic and drain you out
Imagine if you have a full glass of beer. And then you pour some in your friend’s glass because his glass is empty and you keep doing it because he keeps needing more. Before you know it, your glass is empty and he consumed all of your beer. You’ll tell him to get his own beer! So why do we let someone take away our energy and peace of mind so easily? You can’t share from an empty cup so take care of yourself first. Don’t become a fixer but date someone who doesn’t need to be fixed.