5 Reasons We Get Turned On By Emotionally Unavailable Guys
Over the past two years, I have become more aware of myself and my emotions. And that has come as a result of a lot of reflection and introspection. Think careful observation of my dating pattern and extensive note-taking sessions. Which is why, if you ask me what is my type, the answer will be raw af. I tend to fall for guys who are emotionally damaged (either too available or unavailable) and somehow if there is nothing wrong with him, I feel like the relationship is barely romantic.
I have observed that vulnerable men are passionate but also leave you hanging by a thread. I know there are better adventure sports out there but somehow this is the only kind I am hooked on to rn. Let me tell you I am not proud or happy about this pattern and I am working on breaking it. Considering that I am single and yet not on any dating app or going out on dates anymore, I can tell that my love life isn’t in good shape right now. You can blame my poor decisions and the consequent heartbreaks for this sabbatical from romance. Can you relate? Do you feel a magnetic pull towards emotionally unavailable men? They enchant you and at some point, you feel like flinging your bra at them. But they are good for sex, not for love. And if you want to break this toxic pattern, first understand the cause. Here are 5 reasons we lust for emotionally unavailable men.
1) They are ironically very passionate in bed
It’s not like these men don’t have emotions. They just like to keep them locked away because baggage. But when they make love, and because they have to use their mouth but not to speak, they love so passionately. They pour all their affection out in physical form and it’s hot af. You feel loved, serenaded and needed. They give the tightest hugs because they need the tightest hugs. They let their eyes speak volumes except you don’t really know what they are saying. They could be looking deeply into your eyes and saying in their head, “Get off my lap you heavy bitch” and you would still find that gaze romantic. Fuck these charmers, literally and then metaphorically.
2) You’re a nurturer and want to “fix” him
Some may call us dumbfucks for falling for emotionally unavailable men every time and we are precisely that but not just that. We are also nurturers and empaths. We understand what the fear of getting attached feels like. And we convince ourselves that they need the care that only we can give. And that makes the sex even more exciting, right? It makes it so much more romantic as we cuddle with them, kiss them on their forehead and make love like it will heal them. We take them up like projects and end up becoming one ourselves.
3) You could be commitment phobic yourself so temporary is good
Maybe we should introspect because if you find yourself getting into bed with guys who won’t commit, it could be that you’re actually part of his tribe. This helps you relax since the ball isn’t in your court and you don’t have to be the one shouldering the responsibility of not wanting a commitment. You know it won’t last so subconsciously you choose it.
4) Your dad was emotionally unavailable too
If your dad wasn’t very emotionally available, you’ve probably seen your mother trying to fix him and care for him. Maybe you saw her becoming immune to it. Point is that you’ve grown up understanding relationships through your parents, consciously or subconsciously. Which is why, you grow up and date someone to add to your daddy issues.
5) The drama gives you a high
You make love then you decide to never do it again because it won’t go anywhere. Then your inner nurturer gets drawn towards his neediness and you find yourself locking lips with him again. You know how in 90s Bollywood movies, people use their mouth to suck the poison out. All you’re getting though is high on the drama quotient that you’re unknowingly feeding off. Because we somehow think that passionate love has to have drama and eventually lead to a happy ending, courtesy Bollywood. Snap out of the fictitious idea of romance!