5 Reasons The No-Contact Rule Is A Good Idea Post A Breakup
I am not sure whether I should feel proud of it or wonder if something’s wrong with me but I have become quite desensitised to breakups. When I had my first breakup, I was quite heartbroken. I did all the dramatic things people do – they listen to melodramatic music, cry into a pillow, pretend like they will never fall in love again. And then you do love again, get heartbroken again, and heal again. Why am I not afraid of breakups? I think it’s safe to say after a while, you either learn to heal or you continue to be weighed down by your past’s baggage. I chose to heal and now I know that I can get over a breakup. Not that it means I will fall in love and not give two hoots about keeping them in my life.
However, I am not someone who believes you can continue talking day in and day out with your ex, right after the breakup. Like hello? Nobody has ever moved on that way! Everybody goes like, “Oh, I am cool. I can stay in touch with my ex and be friends with them.” And then six months down the line, they are still stuck on them and being “friends”. Do you know what you need? Tough love, baby!
You don’t need to be friends with them just because you want to sound cool. If nobody was an asshole, you can eventually be friendly again but the no-contact rule, at least for a while is important.
You need the distance to see things clearly
Has it ever happened to you that you look back at your ex and wonder why were you so hyped up about him? Why did you think he was this magnificent person? Why did you think you’d never find someone like him? Maybe that’s exactly what you need. At least, if you want a different relationship outcome! Distance will help you see things clearly. Your boyfriend is a mere mortal, one that wasn’t meant for you. Your incompatibility is shining through the cracks in your relationship. Once you accept this isn’t for you, the breakup will become easier.
You both need to manage your own emotions
I don’t make my ex responsible for my feelings. If I am feeling especially vulnerable, I won’t call him to soothe me. If I get a bad mood swing and feel resentful towards him, I won’t go on telling him that he wronged me. I am responsible for my own emotions and he is responsible for his. The no-contact rule ensures you don’t become a victim of his anger and resentment fits.
It helps you break some habits
The worse thing, or at least the most difficult one to get over is the habit you have of him being around. You always called him the first thing in the morning. Your days ended with wishing him goodnight. You shared how your day went. Maybe he was the one you’d always have, whether you want to rant, go out for a drink or simply spend a holiday with. But now suddenly, there’s a void. You have the itch to call him and tell him about that funny thing that happened at work. But you can’t. It hurts but these habits have to be broken. The no-contact rule will help your breakup feel real and not just a namesake thing.
You need to let go of the hope
The thing is if we keep talking to them and being as close as we used to be, there will always be hope in your heart. You will be in denial; you will act like you don’t care. This is because you don’t want to admit that you are still not over them. If you’re not dating again or if you still get jealous if they talk to someone else, you’re not over them. A breakup is a breakup when you shred that last piece of hope left. The no-contact rule will help you to bury that hope and never look back at it again.
You avoid becoming friends with benefits
Two days ago you were horny for each other. Then you breakup and it’s not like your desires will suddenly die. In fact, your horniness for each other will be even more amplified because it’s now forbidden. So you casually meet over a few drinks because you guys are friends and friends can meet for drinks or so you tell yourself. One thing leads to another and now you are sexing it up with him. This time, with no strings attached, it was even better! That’s not good if you want to get over him! The no-contact rule will help you avoid becoming friends with benefits with him.