5 Reasons Single Indian Women Feel Lonely. Not Surprisingly, Society Is Largely To Blame
How often do you admit to feeling lonely by actually using the word? What we do instead is pick up the phone, call our friends and tell them we’re “bored”. We install dating apps and chat meaninglessly with guys while also switching to Instagram and scrolling through our feed, endlessly. We call it boredom but is it possible that it is loneliness? You want someone to talk to and matching with someone online seems like an easy way to get that, right?
And yet, we feel hesitant to really confess to having feelings of loneliness because we assume it makes us sound all kinds of lame. What if they think we are a social recluse and disliked by most people? Everyone wants to believe they are liked and portray themselves as a pleasant citizen that can be cast as one of those jovial students in University ads. What if you sound too desperate or fuckbois try to take advantage of your vulnerability? Believe me sis, fuckbois are like those pseudo-psychiatrists who will tap into your psyche and play with your vulnerabilities – whether you talk about those or not. And people who judge you on loneliness don’t deserve you.
Everyone feels lonely at some point in their lives. Yes, that doesn’t justify the drunken text you sent your ex or how you believe you are in love with the fuckboi who will be happy to make you his booty call. You don’t want to entertain a guy who will pursue you until you get attached and then provoke you only to call you crazy. Research says that men need a denser social circle to feel less lonely while women need more quality. So while we are the more quality-concerned sex, why should we settle for men who don’t deserve us? Loneliness shouldn’t drive you into the arms of a man who will make you feel lonelier. Here’s why single women feel lonely and what you can do about it.
Society norms that make you believe you are incomplete alone
A woman that is single is seen pitifully as if not having a husband makes you a half-empty glass. The media, the world sympathise with Jennifer Aniston for being single, even though she says she is quite content. Back home, people sympathise with Katrina Kaif for not being married while her female contemporaries have. Meanwhile, a single guy is seen as livin’ the life. Society attaches a woman’s worth to her relationship status and makes you feel terribly incomplete when single.
Fix it: Understand that you need to be and feel complete by yourself. A partner or any other person won’t complete you.
How doing things by yourself is seen as lame
So how do you feel complete by yourself? By spending time alone and learning to be happy while at it. Loneliness is a perceived feeling of being isolated but when you consider it solitude, it won’t make you unhappy. You step into a restaurant, they ask you if you need a table for two. You want to have a nice meal by yourself and the staff asks if you are expecting someone. Sitting alone at a bar? You must be a rejected, heart-broken woman looking to get laid that night. Even if you are, that’s okay but this shouldn’t be a sign of it. Somehow, a woman enjoying her own company and looking content is such an uncomfortable sight that you are just assumed to be crazy, or going through a tough time. But you got to do it, because we need to be in charge of our happiness.
Fix it: Spend time alone, without calling a friend up. Do an activity you like, such as dancing, painting, watching something, reading, etc. Use this time to build your friendship with yourself.
Your friends get busy and you need company to do things
Everybody needs companionship. So speaking strictly from my experience, when my sisters come down to India or when I am with my girlfriends, I don’t feel the need for a romantic partner. But unfortunately, sisters get back to their respective countries and your girlfriends eventually get busy with their relationships. So there you are – wondering who is giving you company.
Fix it: As much as you can learn to be happy alone, we also need our support network. If you feel your friends have been too busy with their lives and partners, speak to them openly. It’s important women don’t lose their friends and social life – single or committed. And then go and finally execute that Goa plan!
You need someone to choose you
I feel like when you’re young and in college, our life revolves around our friends. You have your best friends choosing you over anyone else. But as you grow up and your friends start being in serious relationships or getting married – you realise that you take a backseat. On special occasions, your best friend will be with her husband. If she has three days off, her first preference will be going on a trip with her partner. And you end up feeling like nobody chooses you. All you want is a partner who will choose you – to travel with, to go on late-night drives with and have sleepovers with. It’s okay to feel that way.
Fix it: You don’t have to wait for someone to choose you. Decide what you want to do and let anyone who is available tag along. If not, do it yourself. You can’t keep life on hold waiting to be picked. Widen your horizon. Say yes more often and go along with plans – good things shall happen! Say it to yourself ‘Pick me, choose me, love me!’
ALSO READ: If You’ve Been Feeling Too Single Lately, Here’s Some Real And Raw Advice From The Women Of Reddit
Lack of physical affection stemming from abstinence
Women who seek casual relationships and sex get judged majorly and even though we’d like to call ourselves open minded, it subconsciously makes us question ourselves. Are we being cheap or easy? Will he think I am too desperate if I sleep with him too soon? I am sorry but we don’t have to feel cheap for having sexual desires. If you want to fuck, you fuck. Bodily autonomy is a concept so lost that we end up gaslighting ourselves.
Fix it: Lack of affection can make you lonely and if need some then go get it, girl!