5 Reasons I Think Situationships Are Absolutely The Worst When It Comes To Dating
There are several people who don’t want to be in relationships and that’s okay. But I don’t think I am cut out for casual sex. First, I get attached to a person and physical intimacy with the same person will further my feelings. Second, I cannot feel turned on enough by a person I don’t have feelings for. And even if I do, my sex act will be quite selfish and half-hearted. Either I care or I don’t, there’s no in-between. But casual sex isn’t as harmful as situationships. I can’t do those either. Anyone who can do a casual romance and not bear any negative effects from it, please tell me how you do it.
What are situationships? These are “almost relationships” but you’re not quite his girlfriend and he’s definitely not your boyfriend. It means that you don’t label your relationship, are going with the flow, keeping it casual and an entire vocabulary that describes non-commitment. Having said that, you guys pretty much act like you are in a relationship.
Ugh, God, I hate these! Either be in a relationship or have sex like you mean nothing. What are these grey areas that mess you in the head, few months down the line? No, if you’re still in a situationship and enjoying it, sshh! Wait until after it’s over.
Here are 5 reasons why I think situationships are the worst and usually end in disappointment.
Words should match with actions
You say we are not in a relationship but you act like my significant other. Oh wait, almost a significant other. You hold my hand, spend all the holidays and occasions together, have the most romantic kind of sex, and you’re always there. You may even get jealous if I flirt with another guy. But here we are saying we are nothing but acting like a couple. Just stick to one side, please.
One person may want more
“When both people are not in sync on the nature of the situationship, anger and resentment can arise over time. This can manifest in toxic behaviors, such as passive-aggressive actions, anger outbursts and toxic communication,” Carla Manly, a psychologist practicing in California. Because there are so many relationship-y things here, you are bound to get attached unless your heart is made of steel.
You may feel regret
“A deep sense of regret can come from spending your time—sometimes months or years—in a relationship that is stagnant. Many people lament having invested a great deal of time, effort and even money is situationships that proved to be fruitless,” Manly explains. Nobody likes things that are stagnant. So after a point, you ask yourself, “Now what?” and the answer is an unnerving silence. Regret’s never sweet.
It may affect your self-esteem
According to Dianne Grande Ph.D., “[t]he paradox of healthy self-esteem is that we need someone else to validate ourselves as worthy.” “In situationships, thoughts of ‘Why won’t they date me?’ and ‘What’s wrong with me?’ can be all consuming—it’s not feeling validated that can be most detrimental to your own mental health. As cliche as it is, a lot of times the answer in these situations is that it is the other person, not you. Hearing this might be unsettling, but the sooner you accept the person’s feelings, the sooner you can return to a world of self love and feeling valued as a person,” Kelsey Gillhooley writes in Talkspace.com.
Breakups may be harder
The thing with situationships is that your feelings are never validated. You never had a relationship, right? So when you break up, it’s even more confusing because it definitely feels like the end of a relationship but you can’t quite call it that. One may feel embarrassed of this and further bottle up those emotions because how do you explain why you’re upset over an “almost lover”. It’s legit. And most of us have gone through it. Acceptance is the first step of moving on!