10 Things You Will Relate To If You’re *Still* A Virgin
We don’t know when it happened but it feels like one fine day, losing your virginity became a passport to get into the cool gang. Like if you’re an adult, and never had sex, your peers look at you as if you’re some kind of freak. Some friends will be concerned and tell you that sex isn’t a big deal. While the rest will treat you like an alien and ask you so many questions, making you want to evaporate or punch them in the face. Now that’s either impossible or illegal.
We understand it’s your choice, and nobody has the right to question you. Especially since you probably don’t know when and how you will lose it. Doesn’t come with a release date, right? If you’re a virgin, here are 10 things you will definitely relate to!
1) You are so used to the shocked look on people’s faces
“Wait, you’re 26 and still a virgin? How is that even possible?” It is. I will make a tutorial and email it to you. Thanks.
2) Your friends tell you you’re missing out
Maybe I am, but it’s my body and only my rules apply. It’s not like it’s a race out here and the winner gets to f**k the biggest penis. Anyway, if it was, I have already lost so…
3) When your friends are talking about their sex life, you just sit there like a chair
While you guys discuss your latest hookup and fav positions, I will just sit here like Manmohan Singh. It’s not like I enjoy being a part of conversations or anything.
4) You don’t know what you want exactly
Is it worth waiting for “someone special”? I mean, it’s just sex, why do I have to date? I have waited for so long, should I just do it after marriage? I am probably going to die a virgin.
5) Your source of information is the internet
It’s not like I am going to use all this knowledge right away. But hey, I didn’t use sin, cos, tan in real life also. At least I can read articles on all the sex positions and be prepared when the time comes.
6) You hope that real sex is nothing like they show in porn
Because if it is, then my gag reflexes will not thank me! Eww, that sight is just unpleasant. Plus, I am not up for so much mehnat.
7) First-time sex scares the shit out of you
Now I have waited for so long, what if first-time sex is shitty AF? What if all that info I got from the Internet is nothing but a bunch of lies?
8) People ask you if you’re asexual
No, I am not. I watch porn, I make out and I masturbate. Thanks for asking. Quid pro quo. Are you stupid?
9) And you’ve been ghosted for being a virgin
Is there somebody who still believes in love? And second base?
10) When you miss your period, you still wonder if you’re preggers
Missed my period! Am I pregnant? Wait, I haven’t had sex in this lifetime. *Googles can you get pregnant without having sex?*