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You’re Not Masturbating, You’re Being “Aatma Nirbhar” In This Lockdown And Even The PM Says This Is The Way To Go

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While there are several people who have complete faith in Narendra Modi’s leadership, he has also faced criticism from many. But even the latter group won’t be able to deny Modi ji’s eloquence and good PR. He knows how to make the entire country listen, how to create a stir. Ever since the lockdown happened, he has been regularly going live to make announcements about what lies next. Sometimes, he gave us tasks, and honestly, each time he makes a speech, we wait to hear the next task. Now, I feel that he might be the guy behind Bigg Boss’ voice.

Last night, he gave us a remarkable demonstration of his grasp over Hindi, which turns out to be as astonishing as Shashi Tharoor’s over English. However, while it was mesmerizing to hear such pure Hindi after ages, it also took Modi ji ages to come to the point, if he did at all. Of course, netizens found this hilarious because come on it kinda is. I think Modi ji is pretty confident that way and doesn’t mind providing a bit of humour and becoming a source of memes. Thanks to that my lockdown is going to be more bearable. For a while, at least.

However, while his speech was an amalgamation of never-heard-before Hindi words, especially for us millennials, there was one term that literally stole the show. Modi ji repeated several times how he wants India to be “aatma nirbhar”, the benefits and examples of being “aatma nirbhar” and some more “aatma nirbhar”.  We didn’t know we were in a drinking game. If he would have informed us in advance, I would have sat there with my alcohol and shot glasses with my entire fam. In the end, we’d pass out before he even finishes the speech.

However, truth be told, each time I heard him speak about the importance of being aatma nirbhar, I couldn’t help but think about how masturbation has been the way to go for most of us. I have been aatma nirbhar for quite a while and now that Modi ji has told us how important it is, the entire nation needs to be as self-reliant as possible. If I must say, aatma nirbharta begins at home, in your own bed.

Who knew that I had been preparing for this lockdown all along? For the first time, being extremely single feels of some purpose to me. All those nights I spent being aatma nirbhar instead of lip-locking with a cutie are finally paying off. In fact, kid you not, all those guys who just couldn’t make you orgasm and you went home and did it yourself made you self-reliant too.

ALSO READ: PM Modi’s Address Last Night Unleashed A Bunch Of Memes And They Are Hilarious AF

So when Modi ji said Bharat needs to be aatma nirbhar, it means in all ways, right? Though I didn’t need our PM to give that suggestion and it was kinda awkward to have my mind wander off to sexual territory – I am glad he did. If I can be epilating my hands and legs and shaping my own eyebrows, I can definitely do a bit of self-loving. I would have done it anyway but last night’s speech makes it feel so much more legit and required. He did give us a task after all! Wait, he didn’t mean that? Dammit!

ALSO READ: 5 Ways Masturbating Regularly Will Help You During This Lockdown Period

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