This Thread On Twitter Literally Spells Out All The Other Phrases That Also Mean No When Talking About Consent.
Unlike most places, where rape is a crime, a brutal, inhuman and unforgivable crime, in India rape is more of a culture. Rape Culture, two words that are now being bandied about so casually, it’s almost like no one sees the atrocity. And while the society will have you believe that the reason for these crimes to occur is our cleavage, our clothes, or the length of our skirts or the signals we give out, the real reason for why most of these happen is the rapists. And when there is brute force involved, we know that the rape didn’t involve any question of consent. It is when you’re out on a date, or in a marriage that rape could arise out of the erroneous interpretation of a ‘no’ for a ‘yes’. And while we don’t understand how consent can be misconstrued unless you want to deliberately ignore it, we are willing to have conversations about this. While a no always means no, perhaps for a few people, an implicit no might not translate. However, for those of you who still have any doubt, this twitter user’s thread will solve all your queries.
Going by the username @abbi_pennies, this woman recently took to Twitter, to start a thread that wasn’t just the need of the hour, or allow us to rephrase, need of the decade, but also something men should be making vehement notes of. Touching upon the controversial topic of how a ‘no means no’, and only yes means yes, Abbi literally spelled it out for everyone who thought they could get away with the deliberate misinterpretation.
She starts by saying how while a no definitely means a no, what also means a no is statements like – “I’m uncomfortable”, “Maybe another time”, “I don’t want to”, “This doesn’t feel right”, “stop”, “I want to leave”, “not right now”, “I’d rather do..”, “this feels wrong”, and more.
"no" means "no", but so does:
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"i'm uncomfortable"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"maybe another time"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"i don't want to"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"this doesn't feel right"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"i don't feel like it"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"this feels wrong"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"i'd rather do _____"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"maybe we should wait"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"i'm unsure"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"i don't want to do this anymore"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"i want to leave"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
"stop"
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
Also Read : Nusrat Jahan Seeks Legal Action Against A Dating App That Used Her Picture Without Consent. How Hard Is It To Understand The Concept Of Consent?
Etching out all the possible ways a woman might hint or sometimes even directly express her dissent, this thread helped in shedding light at the times when perpetrators have used our own words against us, to finally smash the ambiguity that could come with them. Abbi then goes on to write, “If it’s not a solid yes, it’s a no. some people don’t know how to say no. you should just be a decent enough person to know if they’re uncomfortable. consent is important.”
She continues writing, “And on top of that, ‘no’ is not an invitation to persuade them to say ‘yes’. consent is non negotiable,” and that was equally important for people to understand, that when a woman says no, she doesn’t need you to convince her otherwise. ‘No’ is a complete statement in itself, one that doesn’t require your opinion, but your respect. If said, it means no before a kiss, it means a no during a kiss, it means a no after a kiss. No matter where or when it has been said, it still means no and that is all the explanation you need to stop.
if it's not a solid yes, it's a no. some people don't know how to say no. you should just be a decent enough person to know if they're uncomfortable. consent is important.
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
and on top of that, "no" is not an invitation to persuade them to say "yes". consent is non negotiable.
— abbi !! (@abbooon) October 18, 2020
https://twitter.com/lacunalingua2/status/1318214079622819840
Even if the body language is pointing towards concentual sexual activities a simple "do you wanna" or "you sure" and getting a yes won't ruin the mood.
— w4onh (@w4onh1) October 19, 2020
"no" doesn't mean "try harder"
it means "move on"
— 🇺🇦 Real_Moldy 🏳️⚧️ (@MoldyWarp) October 20, 2020
Several people commented on the thread, sharing how these basics one even might qualify for etiquette, should be taught at school, because this is exactly what perpetuates rape – not our clothes, but victim blaming. It is about time people understand that the word no doesn’t leave any room for interpretation, and that unless there is a person’s consent in bold block letters, it is best to not perceive it as otherwise.
