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The Many, Many Problems We Have With The Cut’s Article On Priyanka Chopra

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Internet, we have a problem.

The thing is anyone with a connection and a keyboard is allowed to bung out an opinion and put it up for the world to read. But when the opinion you state has been seen by an editor, and approved to go up on a website of repute, you’d think it was based on fact than mere conjecture. Or in this case, what seems like a waste of internet space on pure venom.

You know what we are talking about, The Cut’s article about Priyanka Chopra. We would be tempted to call it vitriol and laughed it off as silly if the author wasn’t so self-indulgent and hadn’t planted herself so comfortably on a moral high ground. You know, whatever she’s having and passing around, we want some of that. Because honestly, that sort of self confidence we could all use.

For example, she categorically states that Priyanka Chopra is a ‘global scam artist in her opinion’.

She’s also really concerned about Nick being an unwilling participant in a relationship. He, a 26 year old with the ability to make his own decisions. Or so we think.

The article starts off by explaining who Priyanka Chopra is, her accomplishments are listed here, so we are still in the vicinity of factual at this point. Then she explains who Nick is, it’s all good till now. She also dips her toes into explaining how this relationship started. We are on board, till now. But starting to get uncomfortable. You know, like if you were sitting on a chair you know has tacks but it hasn’t really pricked you yet.

At this point in the timeline, we are at September 2016 where the author says that now, ‘dating has become a job for Priyanka’. This is backed by a completely random quote by Priyanka talking about her not commenting on her relationships. At this point, we are taken aback because it’s not adding up.

The author/journalist then moves on, having laid the filmsy foundation of her case, or so she thinks.  She then rants about her Priyanka has a team (shocking!) that helps her out. Mariah has a problem with this. A tiny detail, about that almost every star has these ‘teams’ escapes her completely as she presents this as Exhibit A for Priyanka liking the indulgent, rich lifestyle.

Mariah is greatly upset at this point that Priyanka is making her own money, is unapologetic about it and wants to enjoy it by buying herself the good things. Like a home theatre system. That she doesn’t use. I wouldn’t want Mariah anywhere near the dusty treadmill in my house. 

At this point, the age gap starts to really bother her and she laments the fact that Nick has always liked older women. Why Nick do you have an opinion about the people you date?

She then abandons this train of thought and goes on to explain why they are not like each other at all. For example, Priyanka responds to speculations on Twitter. Crazy!

Done with this entire thing, she moves on to the wedding. About how the wedding pictures have been sold (which celebrity does that?), how they danced at their wedding (what even?) and how they made their ceremonies their ‘own’ on Instagram (come on!)

As we see it, Mariah is done with this wedding and its shenanigans. If she can’t have this, no one should. Especially not a woman who has made it on her own terms, works for her money and is a global UNICEF ambassador. Priyanka doesn’t deserve this and Nick deserves better, she says.

Mariah needs to get her head checked. Oh, this is offensive, huh?

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Mansi Shah is the resident humour writer and random conversation starter. Tends to laugh manically at puns. Deeply enjoys the blunt force of sarcasm. Preys on chauvinists and people with incorrect grammar. Hoards makeup and beauty products. Attacks Nutella with vigour.

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