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New York City Health Guidelines Outline Precautions During Sex, Asking People To Stay Off Anal Sex And Use Well-Ventilated Spaces For Orgies

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I will be honest here, if there is one thing that I have been trying to evade since the beginning of this lockdown, it is the talk of sex. And no, before you assume it is due to my lack of interest in it, let me assure you that at this point if anything is lacking, it is only a partner in close proximity. Because let me tell you, there’s a rejoinder to the ‘distance makes the heart fonder’ bit and that is that it makes the human hornier. And so, today while skimming through what stories I’d like to pick, this one seemed like a no-brainer because reading about the  New York City Health Department that has issued guidelines can be seen as hilarious and a bit cuckoo, depending on which way you look at it. This has been my only read about anything sexual during this pandemic. And now, courtesy to the revised guidelines, my only read about something kinky too.

Every few weeks, the New York City Health Department unleashes guidelines on the people within its jurisdiction – and we get it, even sex has changed during this pandemic. But their guidelines are starting to get kind of weird and sounding like  first time parents, trying to make the awkward talk with their kids about sex – fun and interesting. Spoiler alert: They try a little too hard.

You see, a few weeks ago when the news about several cities drawing up their sexual guidelines for the citizens was making rounds, New York City issued one liners like ‘You are your safest sex partner’, urging people to indulge in masturbation than get in the sheets with another individual and risk spreading coronavirus. And to an extent, we did understand where they were coming from (pun intended). But, it was when they recently had starkly opposite advice for the people, that we were all caught with our pants down…

Also Read : Harvard University Research Suggests Having Sex With Masks On Or Don’t Have It At All. This Is A Dry, Dry Year

Probably upon realising how sex isn’t entirely you can ask people to not indulge in and the idea is a little far-fetched, they finally decided to address the big elephant in the room in the most surprising way possible. Their guidelines started with saying how, “Sex is a normal part of life. During this extended public health emergency, people will and should have sex,” except now they have ‘kinky tips’ as to how people should go about it.

Drawing the line strictly, they recommend staying away from ‘analingus’ or as people call it having/giving a ‘rim job’, cautioning them how being in contact with the butt can allow for the virus to transmit through fecal matter. However, broadening its horizons on the matter of orgies, the guidelines suggest that if you must make physical contact with more than just one person, they suggest that you ‘find a crowd’, like a little circle of trusted people you can have sex with and that people should try to keep it intimate and host it in “larger, more open, and well-ventilated spaces.” We imagine a warehouse would make for an excellent orgy venue.

The guidelines also suggest staying off kissing for a while, for simple mouth-on-mouth action might lead to the spread of the virus. They’ve even suggested partners use masks and gloves, sometimes even during masturbation. In fact, sex workers have also been urged to take their business online and consider the art of sexting and erotic video calls.

Talk about the government support.

Also Read : Sex During Lockdown Between People Who Don’t Live Together Made Illegal In UK. Excuse Me, Indian Parents Always Considered It A Crime

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