My Birthday Is Probably Going To Be Spent Under Quarantine. Here Is Why I Feel Sad And Am Allowed To Wallow, At Least For A Bit
If there is one day that all of us (at least under 30 bunch) look forward to every year, it is our birthdays. Back from the day when I was so tiny I couldn’t even hold my own head up at my birthdays, to the days when I again couldn’t hold my head up, except this time I’d blame alcohol for it, birthdays have brought me immense happiness, followed by massive hangovers. Except this time around, when all that is in store for me is, a cake full of disappointment, candles full of boredom and the gifts of digital wishes that are nowhere the same.
As we enter week 2 or 3 of the lockdown and I get ready to enter my 24th year of existence, I can’t help but stare down at how utterly unfortunate the timing of it all has been. Not like there could ever be a right time for a lethal bio-weapon kind of a virus to threaten all of us, one sneeze at a time but what were the odds that the year and the month in which I was supposed to turn a year older would be smack in the middle of a global pandemic? Zero, those were the chances. Except…
I know what you’re thinking, how could I have such trivial concerns in life at this point? Except, I do, and to an extent, I can’t help it. And come to think of it, for the first time in this on-going social exile, I feel as though I am entitled to feeling bad. Not in the way that it should cripple me into a ball of sorrow, but in the way that it allows me to feel bad without others making me feel even worse for it.
Also Read : #SpreadPositivity: 5 Ways To Be Positive And Survive This Lockdown Without Having a Breakdown
You see, the way emotions work is on a more subconscious level than we’d like to acknowledge. And sometimes, especially in times like this, when you’re already running a little low on comfort and sanity, to have to spend your special day in your room looking like a boy with a uni brow and a moustache is not just not ideal, but also discouraging on so many levels. Perhaps it is the contrast from a grand celebration I had planned that is making the blow worse, but whatever it is, it’s enough to bring my spirits down and rightly so.
Not to sound too pessimistic here, but guess, as I experience one of my very firsts in this category, I get to go a little over the top without attracting social hate for it. They say, it is the little things that matter the most, and I couldn’t agree more. It is indeed the little things that have been making it worse, the not meeting friends bit, the not being pampered, not being hammered bit, and well, the not even having enough essentials available to bake a cake for myself part. And while, I do have a pity party going on if not the ideal birthday party, I want to say just how it too is normal to feel like this. Yes there will be a social media compensation for the lack of actual social interaction, but let’s face it, it’ll suck.
It is but natural to feel bummed out on your special day, and whoever says otherwise, owes you a birthday gift or two. It is okay to feel heavy hearted and mourn over all the crazy what-ifs in your head, where you would’ve been and how you would have spent your birthday – mainly buying repeated shots for your friends, or probably taking a fancy trip with your posse to bring in your birthday in style – but it’s okay. Allow yourself to be down and low, if that is what you need, reminding yourself how when the moment passes, you will bounce back up and higher. And until then, buckle up and rest well, because when this is over, you’d have more than enough reason to be back with a bang!
Here is to all the delayed birthdays this year. May you be bigger than ever before!