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#ModernDating: Should You Have Sex On The First Date?

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If you’re anywhere between 18 and 85, chances are that you are part of the Modern Dating movement. Dating apps, text conversations, and dick pics seem to be the order of the day. But what about old-fashioned romance, writing letters to your lover, sending flowers, whispering sweet nothings, and actually waiting for The One? Is it all dead? Do you now have to make peace with “Wanna hang?” texts as opposed to proper dinner invitations? Honestly, we don’t know. But it helps to know you’re not alone, right? In Hauterfly’s new Modern Dating column, our Managing Editor explores this crazy world and goes through the motions with you — all from personal experience. Don’t forget to log in every Monday. 

“Should you have sex on the first date?” It’s so funny, but I never really thought this would be a relevant question in the Indian context. Sex? Date? These were not terms we were familiar with *touches both ears reverently*.

But in the last couple of years, largely thanks to Tinder, this is a totally legit question — often being asked by even 16-year-olds. *shudder*


First date sex_Modern Dating_Hauterfly


The concept of dating in India is still novel and we’re all still grappling with it — yeah, let’s not kid ourselves. Even when you’re well into your 30s and dating, you often have *no* clue what you’re doing. What are the rules? Who texts first? Why is it against the dating law to just pick up the f-ing phone and call? Who pays on the date? Will he think I’m a slut if I put out the first time we meet?

These are questions that plague us when we’re thrown into the cesspool of dating. Not that the same isn’t true in the Western World, but I’d like to think of them as the Olympians, and us as the amateurs. Correct me if I’m wrong.



Anyway, this question has been thrown at me multiple times. “Should I sleep with him on the first date?” (from a girlfriend); “Would you have sex with someone on the first date?” (from a guy I befriended through Tinder); “Shall we go back to my place?” (from a guy I had just met and who had spent the entire night philosophising about life et al. I couldn’t wait to get home {without him}, but we got stuck in a massive traffic jam at 12:30am. Urgh).

Well, what I learnt being out there is that it really doesn’t matter. If you meet someone who you’re so terribly attracted to that you just can’t keep it in your pants, then by all means, bang his brains out. If you’re worried about what he’ll think of you, then well, you’re not having sex with him against his will or consent, right? He wants a piece of you as much as you want a piece of him.



On the other hand, if you’re going through a dry spell, one which you desperately want to break, and think tonight is the night, well, go with your instinct. There will be times when you leave the house, all sexy and smelling great, convinced that you’ll get laid later in the evening, but once you meet said date, you know you will regret it the minute you’re in his (or your) bed. So don’t do it. You’ve lasted all this while without sex, you’ll survive some more too.

Another burning question about sleeping with virtual strangers is whether or not you should sleep over, or allow him to sleep over, and whether or not you should cuddle, post coital.


First date sex_Modern Dating_Hauterfly


Again, it depends on how comfortable you feel with him, no? If he’s tired, and you don’t mind him seeing your morning face, then it’s fine, right? But, if you’re already regretting this choice, in the middle of the act, or simply don’t want a stranger in your bed all night, then politely ask him to leave. There are so many ways to do this. I’ve seen that lying works best.

As far as cuddling goes, I am personally against doing it with a first date. Cuddling, especially after sex, is an intimate thing I can only indulge in if I have feelings for the person. But hey, if you’re craving some human warmth, then whatever floats your boat.



The point is, no matter how many people tell you about or how many listicles state the various rules of sex and dating, it doesn’t work that way.

You may instantly connect with someone and start planning your lives together the first time you meet; or you may meet someone and feel totally repulsed and yet end up sleeping with him; or you may meet someone you’re only sexually attracted to, so you bump uglies and then go your different ways, never having to see each other again. Or you see each other only for one purpose.

This is far too subjective to put down and, more importantly, stick to rules laid down by random people you’ve never met.

Life is too short for sex to be a worry. Please, just have the sex if you want to. Or don’t. Just, for Christ’s sake, use protection, ’cause let’s face it, you don’t know where that has been.


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