I Never Thought I Would Say This But I Miss Waxing My Legs And Threading My Eyebrows.
I am just going to put this out there- this coronavirus lockdown has me extremely worried. Think about it, it’s dangerous to step out of the house but if we don’t leave the house for 21 days, I might lose my sanity (whatever little I had). Right now, at this very moment, it feels like we are standing on a ledge with deep valleys on both sides. All we must do to survive is stand on this ledge, right? How tough can that be? As it turns out, very.
Okay, maybe that is not a perfect analogy, but you must agree it is extremely intriguing. Here’s the thing though, I actually am worried about this 21-day lockdown. Don’t get me wrong, I am not worried I will break it and leave my house (I am not a covidiot and neither should you be). I am worried about what is going to happen when it ends. People are going to go all out and never want to go home again (I am people, people is me!).
We are going to emerge from this lockdown with newfound resistance, strength, flab and so much body hair it would almost look like we’ve never have been waxed before. It’s going to be an ideal post-apocalyptic world where everyone (men and women alike) will look like primates again. Yay!
I actually mind being hairy more than I mind being flabby. No, it’s not like I am driven by the beauty standards of society, just a little OCD about my body hair. In simple words, I hate them. Again, don’t get me wrong waxing is a choice and I choose to partake in it every month because otherwise, I feel extremely icky. But unfortunately for us, the government does not exactly classify salon and parlours as an essential service so now we have to suffer in silence as we slowly transform into Harambe with a unibrow. My priorities are not really in place, are they?
You know I would be more worried about this if I had a boyfriend, but I think it’s a good thing that I don’t right now. I would die if he saw me with more hair on my hands than he would have on his chest (chest hair is the turn off of all turn offs). But then on second thought, spending this quarantine with your partner is a dream and I am closer to finding a cure to the virus than a boyfriend so…
Anyway, getting back on track (and away from my pathetic love life), do you know the phrase “it gets worse before it gets better”? Yeah, it’s applied to actual problems, but I think we can fit it in our little hair problem as well. Just imagine it’s the 22nd day, everything has finally opened, and you are in your usual salon getting pampered. One parlour wali aunty is threading your seriously overgrown upper lip and making you look human again by waxing your legs while another is giving you the manicure you deserve after doing all those household chores.
Ah! That feeling of satisfaction mixed in with that of cleanliness is what it’s all about and there are very few things that can top that. But the fact right now is that we are going to come out of this quarantine extremely hairy and we just have to learn to deal with it until all business are up and running again. So, I have now decided to embrace this unfortunate circumstance and have the best, flabby, super hairy quarantine ever.
You should follow suit!